I am sure many of you have faced turbulent relationships at some point of time in your lives. They may be between any two of you: You and your mom or dad or sibling or aunt or a friend. Where any two minds meet, there’s sure to be a difference of opinion. Sometimes, this difference of opinion escalates to frightful heights, taking the shape of heated arguments.
So, how do we get out of such turbulent situations? Is there a formula for it? I would say yes, with complete confidence. How? Read on…
What happens is that at some stage, we allow ourselves to fall into a trap that says, “He/She’s wrong, I am right”, irrespective of the need to competition at that moment. The dialogue keeps playing in our heads like a stuck-up record that finally leads us to believe that it really is so. The actual train of thought should be not about who is right/wrong, but about the act that has happened. Is the act right or wrong? How has it affected us? Is it big enough to start an argument with the person?
When you’ve decided that he/she is in the wrong, or the act committed is wrong, what do you do about it? There are two scenarios:
1. You tell him/her what you think.
2. You bottle everything up inside your heart.
The first case is a very favourable one, because that takes all your grievances out of your system immediately. It also pushes the ball in the opposite person’s court, giving him a chance to explain and sort things out. This is probably the best way to go, and may in all probability iron things out.
But when you bottle things up, it leads to the worst case scenario. The only way it leads the relationship in question, is down south. To the valley of doom. I will explain why.
Bottling up others’ mistakes/faults is a very dangerous thing to do. It builds up depression and resentment inside you, like a volcano ready to burst the moment things become rough. And when such a situation comes up that really hurts you, it catalyses you to take drastic steps in a whirlpool of past and present emotions… an action you would have executed differently, had you not carried the past baggage of resenting emotions.
The formula I promised I’d reveal:
The only remedy for a relationship disaster is to question yourselves about the importance of that relation. Do you want to keep it forever? Obviously, if it is a blood relation, you certainly would. If it’s a friendship, you need to answer the question. If your answer is ‘yes’, then, you must not let anything come in the way of that relationship. There will be hundreds of such instances in your lives when you both may fight very badly and you may resent many things.
The most important thing to understand here about this formula is that your feelings and your relationship are two different entities. If you want to keep your relationships safe, then, you must learn to separate it from your feelings. You may fight, you may hate the moment, but you must never question the relationship. Whatever happens, no matter how strong the winds of hatred blow, they are all momentary. The foundation of your relationship must never sway.
If everyone follows this rule, then we will have fewer families being divided due to petty issues. We will have fewer heart breaks. When the cause of a relationship prevails over other issues, then every thing else becomes trivialized and petty.
So, Happy- building-up-strong- relationships to you!!
© Punam J R., all rights reserved.