This jinxed being called ‘GIRL’

It’s navratri – the nine days that we INDIANS celebrate to glorify the 9 forms of the Indian goddess Durga. Wake up, people… STOP worshipping female idols when you are so ruthlessly troubling the girl child. Wake up, people, for if you can not respect the women around you, what use is decorating the female idol with jewels and shiny clothes? Wake up, people, for if you can not protect your girl child, you have no right to worship the goddesses that represent the female form.

From here

When a girl is born, she is labelled jinxed. Even though they say, Lakshmi has come into the home, yet they do not treat her as Lakshmi… well, the girl does not say that you treat me like Goddess – all she says, is treat me like a human being – that’s all.

Why is it expected of girls to be sehensheel (strong, able to bear anything), patient and calm? No matter how many travails she passes through, nothing moves people – no suffering is great for a girl because she is expected to suffer. No pain is big for her because hundreds of girls and women around her are going through worse pain.

Whenever something bad happens to a girl, she is first taught to “adjust”. WHY? Why should she adjust? Does she have no rights to being happy? Does she have no rights to a PEACEFUL life? Does she have no dreams and should she not live a NORMAL life? WHY is she asked to adjust in derogatory surroundings where 90% of the day is filled up with suffering and 10% with a disturbed sleep? Where is she going wrong? What has she done to have been out through so much suffering?

From here

It is strange how people just dismiss the mental suffering that a girl goes through. The torture of MIL and SIL may not be visible on her body, yet the DIL is told, it is very common and it is nothing to worry about. Tell me, is it fair for any outsider to imagine what the girl is going through? Is it fair for anyone to judge the intensity of her suffering??? A needle might be very small pain, but if a needle keeps piercing at the same wound again and again and again, daily every night every hour, the wound turns into a big harmful painful suffering. Don’t people see that this is how it is?

Whenever a girl suffers and calls for help, the very first thing people around her do, is to make her understand that they themselves have gone through similar suffering, and what she is going through is NOTHING… WHAT as human beings, are we doing??? How is it fair to compare one girl’s suffering with another girl??? By denying her calls for help and by demeaning her problems, how do we expect to help? So I may have gone through similar pain – so should I want her to go through it too? Because I chose to, and I could deal with it, should I expect her to go through the same??? What is my guarantee that her pain is not greater than mine? What is my guarantee that she is stronger than I am? Am I being fair to her by pushing her to the edge, because I THINK what she is going through is nothing???

Am I not being an insensitive person when I negate her suffering and try to cover it up with useless words like it’s going to be fine.. it’s going to be okay??? HEY maybe I should use some common sense and see that things can be okay when the person giving the suffering is okay. Sadists and animals can not be okay – can not make a life okay. We are living in a world that is filled more with cheaters and sadists who can drop down to any levels to get away with their quirks and mean intentions. This is no place for an innocent girl to be. This is a big bad world where every other person is a WOLF waiting to pounce on a girl. This is a big bad world where LIES are made to be truth and where wolves walk in sheep’s clothing, to prey upon undoubting innocent people.

A man being angry is okay – because all men get angry. A man losing control is okay because all men do that. A man beating his wife is okay because it happens in most marriages?? WHY?

My questions are – How much suffering is “too much”? How much suffering should a girl put up with? How much pain is “unbearable”? How does a girl express her pain when it is not validated by physical marks? What are the benchmarks that the civilised world uses to validate mental torture?

Why doesn’t the world let a GIRL live? Just live?

This post is inspired by the following two posts I read at Shail’s and Ritu’s blogs:
http://shailsnest.com/2012/10/19/the-evil-mothers-in-law/
http://phoenixritu.com/dear-god-ji-i-want-to-be-born-a-woman-again/

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22 Comments

  1. Punam,

    Awakening post. It is sheer hypocrisy to worship Goddess but treat living women like sub-humans. We surely need to change our mindset. MiL and SIL unwanted episodes are aplenty but unfortunately there are some DILs who make life miserable for family due to their preconceived notions which are backed by their parents.

    Take care .

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  2. Extremely powerful post, Punam. It is so easy for us living in the States to forget how so many girls and women are mistreated in other parts of the world. It is a sad and tragic thing – yes! Let’s hope others will wake up to this!
    Blessings!

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    • *Martha, it is not only sad and tragic but also inhuman and against humanity. The problem lies in the fact that it is advocated by everyone… the characteritics of patience and perseverence in women are elevated to the point of self-sacrificial levels and most women are actually expected to sacrifice their dreams and happiness for unworthy people. *

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  3. It is not ok… it is wrong. wrong. Oooo so very wrong! Here in the states the month of October is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month… abuse against women is being talked about more and more, people are becoming more aware, and sadly it is of epidemic proportions.

    I believe when you have lost the power of choice or have no voice… well then that is too much.

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  4. I think the moment a girl stands up and refuses to adjust, things change. If you look around, there are many women like you who refuse to live like they are seasoned to live. This is a positive change and hopefully it will grow.

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  5. My sincere appeal to any human being – and not just a woman is to break the mould. It is possible, I’ve done it. No slight however small on a person’s dignity can be allowed. This well(?) meaning advice of “please adjust, its nothing new” is bullshit. One must fight back and not allow this cycle of abuse to continue

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  6. Thank God your comments is enabled – had tried so many times to comment earlier :-)! This is one frustrated post! And I so completely connect with this feeling you are going through! Even now, when anyone tells my daughter she has o behave in a certain way because ‘tum ladki ho, aur ladkiyan aise nahi karte’ I lose my cool! What we can probably try is to ensure our boys treat girsl better, and our girls know they deserve better!

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    • *Hi Meena, I got to know some time back about this comments problem and had changed the settings promptly. Glad you could comment this time!! Don’t know how many readers I have lost due to this.. 😦 * *Yepp.. the post is frustrated and I am too.. at the state of affairs. Nothing ceases to shock people.. such has the apathy gotten spread everywhere.. I agree to your thoughts – instead of teaching our girls that they are not entitled to the simple joys of life.. and that they have to FIND joy in serving their husbands and in-laws, they should be taught that they always deserve the best. They should be taught to take a stand and choose fearlessly. *

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  7. Here’s someone who fought against the odds to protect his premature baby daughter after her mother died giving birth to her. This rickshaw puller strapped the malnourished premature baby to his chest and decided to go back to work in order to earn money to pay for her treatment. People like Babloo teach us what it REALLY means to follow the essence of what our scriptures teach us.

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    • *Hi Simer, I did read that post on your FB and yes, it’s examples like these that go a long way in teaching us that we can always have hope that all is not lost yet. Still, a lot needs to be done and just too much is lost in so many families due to this apathy towards the girl child and unrealistic expectations. Maybe one day, I will make a difference. I want to. ** *

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  8. Hard hitting post!

    It is so true. I recently met a friend who has conceived after battling things like PCOS , thalassemia, thyroid and all for years.And what do her in-laws and husband tell her – We want a boy! :/

    BTW I noticed the new look of your blog…it is beautiful and serene 🙂

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    • First things first – Privy, thankkkk uuu for the sweet comment about my blog’s new look. And yes.. u know this whole thing about a girl not being even empathised or sympathised with regard to all the mushkilein she goes through, the problem is, I would LOVE to see all these people cornered and shoved at an island where there are only men – please live only with the men. That’s all. Girl chahiye hi nahin na.. auron ko ho jaaye beti.. humko toh beta chahiye… How gross… especially when a woman says that. If I ever have kids in my life, I want ONLY a girl.

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