Cry, but only…

ANGELRYK
“Cry, but only in front of Him.”
He told me, the kind man at the Tikano that is very close to my nani’s in Indore.

“Give all your heart’s grievances to Him. And only Him. Do not cry before anyone else.” I am holding on. I will not cry. No way. When I see Him, I have a lot of questions. When I meet Him, I have hundreds of grievances. Questions as to what was the game He played with me. What was it all about?

Every day emerges with a new question.
Every day reveals a new nightmare, a new fear – or rather the same fears reborn every single day.

In the wake of what He did, the pain inside my heart will have a destination.

I wanted to give up something that I have truly loved. Always. And I told my mentor so.
I told him, I am thinking of giving up my blog. Because that’s what I have loved the most. Always.
And he asked why. I said, I am not able to write much these days. All I can dish out is negative stuff which I do not want to write about. My blog has always been a happy place. It isn’t anymore. Even my readers have dwindled out. Obviously they would.. I have hardly visited anyone. Not many come to read me anymore. There were times when I wanted to be read, I wanted to be with everyone.. in the midst of everyone. I don’t, now.

My life has collapsed. Big time.

My blog, I know, used to spread sunshine. Today, even I feel morose when I open it.
I feel like a butterfly with clipped wings. Carefully clipped wings.

Someone planned for two years, carefully, and plotted, and clipped them…
Someone sinister.

They ruined me.
Those closest to me have moved away. I am all alone, with just a handful who I can count on my fingers. I used to idolize them, those who have moved away. But differences cropped up. And they happily declare that they have broken ties with me. A lot of them have. I just didn’t realize until I heard it from someone.

One fact is very true.
That when you are moving against the wind, there hardly remains anyone.

Doc – “She is not in the condition to go yet.”
Ma – “She has to.”
Doc – “She can’t.”
Ma – “She has work to do. She has her life to see.”

Me – “I need to go.”
“I can’t stay here. They don’t like me. I have a lot to prove. Even after.”
(Wiping tears away.)

Doc – “Don’t let her go.”

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19 Comments

  1. only a person who weeps can understand others pain
    only a person who understand negatives will appreciate the meaning of positives
    only a person sinks to the nadir can rise and fly to the top of mountains..
    only those who have been rejected by many build the faith in themselves…

    so arise
    awake
    you have miles to go..

    when you collapse you make a creative new beginning..

    Like

  2. Life for some of us is full of surprises. For me I never got what I wanted. But then I surrendered and He revealed what he planned for me
    I won’t say everything is smooth, no, every moment I am tested but I know I am not alone, not anymore

    Like

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