I loved Meera; She wasn’t mine

Meera and I studied together in college. We  met, we looked deep into each others’ eyes, and fell in love – hook, line and sinker.

Meera was a sensitive girl. She would cry very easily. The sight of a beggar on the roads would bring tears in her eyes. If she saw a crying baby, she would go and pacify it, no matter whose kid it was.

When we had kids, she was the best mother.

Our kids grew up and flew away. Amazing they turned out to be. But once they went away, the loneliness and the empty nest syndrome struck her in a way I never thought would ever happen in life.

She withdrew completely. She wouldn’t even talk to me. A chance invite from a friend to a satsang at the ISCKON Hare Rama Hare Krishna Temple, took her to the cult, and she was absorbed. She realized she found peace there.

Her attendance at the temple went high and her responsiveness towards me nose dived. Slowly, she had started treating the temple as home, and the God there as her ‘saathi’. She was so much in bhakti that she fell in ecstatic love. Just like the legendary Meera.

Her Krishna would be everywhere. At home, I found each of my rooms being decorated with life size posters of Krishna. All the other Gods found their way out and Krishna found himself being absorbed into every atom of the house.

Meera with a musical instrument in her hand, lost in bhakti and devotion of her lord.

Meera with a musical instrument in her hand, lost in bhakti and devotion of her lord.

saanson ki maala pe simrun main pi ka naam 1
apne mann ki main jaanun aur pi ke mann ki Ram 2
yahi meri bandagi hai, yahi meri puja 3
ek tha saajan mandir mein aur ek tha pritam masjid mein 4
par main prem ke rang mein aisi doobi ban gaya ek hi roop 5
prem ki maala japte japte aap bani main Shyam 6

1 – On the garland of my breaths, I weave the name of my beloved
2 – I know of my heart, and God knows of the heart of my beloved
3 – This is my devotion, this, my prayer
4 – I found one lover in the temple, and another at the Masjid
5 – Immersed in the passionate color of love, I found both the same.
6 – Chanting on the rosary beads, the name of Shyam [Lord Krishna], I become him.

As I kept hearing the beautiful prayers through the speakers in the God’s room, I recalled the days when I was Meera’s Shyam. When I was the cynosure of her eyes. Suddenly, I felt a stab of jealousy in my heart. He is the invincible Lord. I agree. All respect for that too. But He had no right to take away my love. I only saw him for now, as someone who had made me devoid of love at a stage in life when companionship is so important.

As I struggle with the strong loneliness that comes, not out of being alone, but out of being in the presence of unrequited love, I see her swaying to the beats of her lord, singing,

“Saanson ki mala mein………………………………………..”





  1. At a point in one’s life comes a turning point when the Lord becomes the focus of our lives. We need to balance that with our earthly life. Sometimes that’s hard to do as connecting with Lord Krishna is blissful.Very nicely written.


  2. Young Lady,

    Situation of old age very well told. When children grow up and move on their own way leaving parents, this loneliness does set in as the busy life with them suddenly becomes absent. It children are there, then grandchildren fill up this void. Otherwise one needs to keep mental balance with logic lest one goes insane. Excess of anything is not good, be it BHAKTI even. One needs to have proper balance in all aspects.

    Take care


    • Dear Sir, So happy as always to receive your comment. And how true and exact you are, when you say, excess of anything is not good. I think we come to this world to serve as humans and not as jogis or jogins. We need to fulfill our human duties with utmost sincerity.
      Balance is very well the key.
      PS: I love it when you call me Young Lady. 🙂 *Beaming*


  3. Very moving post…. and so true.. as u said, in a comment later, young and old people and couples are attracted to the spiritual and the ritualistic as some point.. there is peace, I’ve no idea whether it is pseudo peace, but there is also a danger of being imbibed into the philosophy of the cult fully, a state of being brainwashed! and then trying to sell those ideas to others.. the right balance is to be found, between being rational and the blind faith, confidence in the self and the dependence on an ulterior power… for many people I feel it missing!


  4. A very soulful post which is showing many sides of life. And sides which exist which I believe is taking charge everywhere. For better or for worse ‘god’ only knows 😀 The post created a picture for me, the stages of their relationship danced in front of my eyes…



  5. I could hear you speak. The pain of the one who got left behind when one partner moved on was so evident, even though this was at the spiritual level, we can take this story at many more levels and adapt it to suit different scenarios. I guess, that is what makes it beautiful.


  6. Nice portrayal but bhakti teaches one to do the prescribed duties first to the best of ability remmebering that the Lord resides in everyones heart.
    Iskcon tells one to keep Krishna in the center of one’s life. Not that one forget ones responsibilities.
    Secondly usually pnly the chants of Hare Krishna Hare Rama and some other Vaishnav Bhajans are sung


  7. Hi

    Lovely post and awesome translation..Meera Bai is the epitome of devotions towards Lord Krishna. I loved this song too and there is one more I really love- ‘Ek radha ek Meera, dono me Shyam ko chaha’ from ‘Ram teri ganga maili’..the song is nice but no comments on the movie 😛


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