I know you are taken,
But I still love you.
If you define love in the conventional sense, I wouldn’t qualify for it. No. But still I would say I love you. You see, I have seen Love at close quarters. I have seen it in its filthiest shade, and then you came along. I knew you were unattainable and I never wanted to trust you. I never wanted to fall for you.
I mean, I had had enough. And it’s no more that feeling of pleasantness that brings me to a high. But you were determined to show me that love has different shades and it need not be the ugly blue. You became my best friend, and never ceased to support me. You wanted to show me that love could be pure too. That it had nothing to do with flesh. That it was what it was – a feeling of mutual respect and trust. Yes, I had a hard time trusting you and I know that hurt you. But no, I knew you could be trusted. I just did not want to believe it.
You unwrapped me from all those bandages.
You saw me stark naked, vulnerable, broken, all my wounds exposed, raw and blue.
And each time I cried, you held me silently, wishing that these tears would dry up but it took more than 24 months for these tears to stop. But stop they did.
Like you just said, “You still cry now, but for other silly things. Not those stupid crappy reasons. I am glad you are out of it.”
Oh and how I love your stories!! I look forward to them. Each story, I know, has been crafted carefully for me, to sunao me a moral-of-the-story that fit hand in glove with the silly girl that I am. Each story, made me seethe in anger and fuming in rage because I knew it was crafted to end on me… yet I would be mesmerized to hear it and feel awe-inspired at your smartness.
“Tu na dimaag mat kharaab kar mera. Tu maar khayega”… is how you would react when I get an upper hand on you, which I know you let me, on purpose.
That patronising tone in which you would tell me… “tujhe nahi lagta ki tu bahut nalaayak ho gaya hai aaj kal?”
Stuff like.. “mere sikhaaye hue painthrey mere hi upar istamaal kar raha hai? Tu pagal hai kya? Ek main hi hu jiske saamne teri itni chalti hai.. baakiyon ke saamne jab bolna hota hai toh tere muh mein dahi jam jaati hai na”…
All these little little things…
And your chillana.. the hundreds of fights we had.. still knowing it’s all gonna be the same in the end… the guarantee that you will always be my best friend and I will always be your best friend…
I had to write this for you and I had to tell you how much I love you. Because you taught me to look at myself as someone worthy of a whole lot better than what I gave myself credit for. Because you reminded me that “I am worth it.” Each time. Every time. Even when I fell. Even when I didn’t listen to you. Even when you sarcastically told me that “you told me so”. Even when you disagreed with me. Even when you were proud of me – are proud of me.
And that is why.
I know you are taken.
But I still love you.