Who am I?

“You may know me, but you have no idea who I am.” Neither do I. Tsk tsk.

I know naiveness is not exactly a word and my English teacher would cringe in pain if she sees me writing naiveness.

That said, many many people have called me naive. I just don’t get it. I trust and I get cheated. I believe everyone to be like me – as within so without. My face is like a mirror, reflecting my worst fears and my best thoughts. Try as I might, I fail to put a veil across my face. For example, I went to the dentist recently. She was the sweeeeeeeeeeeeetest dentist I ever met (not that I have met too many of them). Awwww she had hand written testimonials all over her clinic’s walls. She was so careful and so worried for me. She cajoled me, cooed with me and cured me in a jiffy. Well, me being me, I was bowled over by her compassion. Trust me, the gaaliyan I got – 😛 Baby this is called PR. Baby not as in Babe Baby, but little baby, not grown up baby… Eeeee!! I. Believe. Everyone. Period. I deserve to be spanked.

Contrary to this, people also tell me that they don’t understand me. I am a puzzle to them. They are not able to gauge me. Do I bask in this anonymity? Absolutely I do. I have no idea why people can not gauge me, but I love the idea itself. 🙂

Being a mystery is a mystery in itself, for I don’t really try – it usually happens naturally. And so very naturally that I wouldn’t even know how I come across to others.

I am a snob. I am too high headed. I am headstrong. I am like a man!! He he he… so much for feminity and liberation. Trust me, it’s a blast. Contrary to this, I love pinks and mauves and whites. Oooh I am soooo girlie that even pink feels less girlish in my presence.  Another paradox. Don’t blame me. I have no idea.

If one were to ask me, that you are so transparent about your feelings, how is it that people are not able to understand you? Well, I may reply with a poker face, I don’t know.

I absolutely don’t know.

Self introspection leads to nothing. Questioning leads to more questions.

Who am I?

I am just myself.

As within, so without.

 

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