Being reserved

Pouring my heart out today – rant alert. I am an introvert. In the last few days, I have been reading a lot of posts on introverts and realized one thing – that we all face the same issues and that very few people understand us.

When at work, I would like to be included in the conversations and get-togethers but usually I do not participate. I just listen. As a result, people isolate me terribly and I end up being the most misunderstood individual – and lonely.

Group discussions and gossip irritate me. Hi and Hello conversations just put me off as I feel they are wastage of time. Yes, I greet people, but that is all. People do not understand that I am totally into one-to-one conversations. Conversations that turn into memories and not just idle gossip.

I need my ‘me’ time and love to get lost in work. When I am working, the world fades away – another complaint I hear about myself. I don’t know what else to do. I prefer my own company and love to paint, crochet and read. But once in a while, I do feel like going out and meeting people who add value to my life (and who, by the way, are very few).

There is a small set of people who understand me very well – they do not judge my introvert qualities and are very happy to invite me when going to the cafe or just for a break. They speak and mean well and I believe I am not a bad communicator. However, why some people misunderstand me is beyond my comprehension. I know I should not get affected by this and mostly, I don’t. Once in a while, it gets to me and today is one of those days. Yes I have read Susan Cain and have heard her videos, I have read hundreds of articles on the web. But it’s just the same pain everywhere.

Somewhere, I happen to believe that I have been at the receiving end of office politics, due to which, my being an introvert is being abused. I have reasons to feel so. I can not let it affect me, and more importantly, I can not have anyone know that it affects me. But it does. Again, this is one of those days.

I think my thoughts are pretty incoherent and I will just stop here before the mish-mash becomes too hard to read.

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21 Comments

  1. Youre So good, just the way you are !! Hey if you must, don’t change too much. As long as there are people, there will be abuse, even if we are all extroverts. Me I guess I’m a bit of both, takes a while. The me time is irreplaceable, the bullies best get lost, finding our peace with our silences, is tough, but once we’re there, and we respect ourself, I guess it’ll hurt less…. Bravo for hanging in, this much. I’ll say, nothing’s easy, thnx for an honesty post, so refreshing, stay blest

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah! Hi5 same story this side as well 🙂
    At times I wish if were an extrovert but we can’t change our personality type. Can we? . Things would have been better but then I would not have been the way I am at present. We introverts observe, imagine and contemplate more. We are calm and plus point we need no one to please ourselves.

    Be happy about yourself 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You described us introverts well – I can SO related! When I was younger, it seems that I intimidated people on a regular basis; because when we would talk, I’d be listening at the heart-level and not just word-level, and respond to their real meaning – they somehow felt unmasked and that intimidated them. Since then, I’ve learned to choose my battles – I still listen at heart-level, but I don’t always address it in the conversation – I go along with the mask-level, though (as any introvert knows) that costs me more energy. We like to cut to the chase, and that seems to scare some extroverts. And that can lead to their bullying; so more power to you in your work situation!

    Like

  4. You are just like me when I was in my school days but one of my close friend helped me come out of my shyness( though not fully yet) but being an introvert has its own positive side. We are more humble, kind and emotional people I guess! Its good to meet someone like me! Keep expressing yourself through your great work! 🙂

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  5. My goodness, I have this exact same experience at every new office! I have had to politely point out that while I might not wish to attend, the act of asking me is just as inclusive. Finding those few who truly understand us can make all the difference in the world, especially at work. I have one coworker who will act as my “shield” when others are invading my space. From one introvert to another, good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

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