Pouring my heart out today – rant alert. I am an introvert. In the last few days, I have been reading a lot of posts on introverts and realized one thing – that we all face the same issues and that very few people understand us.
When at work, I would like to be included in the conversations and get-togethers but usually I do not participate. I just listen. As a result, people isolate me terribly and I end up being the most misunderstood individual – and lonely.
Group discussions and gossip irritate me. Hi and Hello conversations just put me off as I feel they are wastage of time. Yes, I greet people, but that is all. People do not understand that I am totally into one-to-one conversations. Conversations that turn into memories and not just idle gossip.
I need my ‘me’ time and love to get lost in work. When I am working, the world fades away – another complaint I hear about myself. I don’t know what else to do. I prefer my own company and love to paint, crochet and read. But once in a while, I do feel like going out and meeting people who add value to my life (and who, by the way, are very few).
There is a small set of people who understand me very well – they do not judge my introvert qualities and are very happy to invite me when going to the cafe or just for a break. They speak and mean well and I believe I am not a bad communicator. However, why some people misunderstand me is beyond my comprehension. I know I should not get affected by this and mostly, I don’t. Once in a while, it gets to me and today is one of those days. Yes I have read Susan Cain and have heard her videos, I have read hundreds of articles on the web. But it’s just the same pain everywhere.
Somewhere, I happen to believe that I have been at the receiving end of office politics, due to which, my being an introvert is being abused. I have reasons to feel so. I can not let it affect me, and more importantly, I can not have anyone know that it affects me. But it does. Again, this is one of those days.
I think my thoughts are pretty incoherent and I will just stop here before the mish-mash becomes too hard to read.