Random Pic Random Post 3: Dice

dice floating on white background

Life, they say, is a number game.

If you believe only that, it would be a real shame.

Numbers are numbers when you play it real hard

All of them amount to zero if you play it not.

 

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What it means being an Empath

I didn’t know that I am an Empath.

woman-cat-empath.jpg

As I move ahead on my spiritual path and discover new things about myself in this journey, I have received a lot of answers to questions that I always had, and to those that I never had either.

I will try my best to share this journey with you, maybe one of you will identify with it, who knows?

  1. Songs affect me in a huge way. I can not bear to listen to some songs (esp from the oldies lot like Kishore Kumar’s) because they make me depressed.
  2. Deja Vu is a common phenomenon with me, because I tend to have the feeling of “I’ve been here before”, or “I’ve seen him/her before” quite often.
  3. Pink skies make me depressed and a bit scared as well.
  4. I am highly highly sensitive and tend to pick up vibes very quickly. (To my deepest chagrin, at work, I am just the opposite..!!!!)
  5. I like/do not like cities or places according to the vibes I get.
  6. I tend to immediately catch the feelings of a person around me if they are sad, depressed or in grief.
  7. I cry a lot… a lot means really a lot. Every emotion results in tears – joy, sorrow, grief, anger, irritation, upset – every damn emotion and the tears flow.
  8. When someone shares their feelings with me, I suffer along with them because those feelings and emotions become me and I become them. This is the worst trait I have.
  9. Hate crowds. Hate empty stores too. Extremes.
  10. These movies disturbed me very badly: Trapped, Life, Alien Covenant – you get the point.
  11. Long conversations, especially with acquaintances tire me out. I can’t sustain long phone conversations either.
  12. Loud noises, loud speakers, screaming people etc. disturb me and drive me to madness. So also, I get startled easily, even by something as small as the ringing of a phone – I jump out of my seat. There have been times when I actually dropped the phone when it started ringing.
  13. I can NOT multitask. Neither physically not mentally. Conversely, I can read two books parallelly – but each a bit at a time, I can switch from reading to painting to crochet to cooking faster than a butterfly switching flowers.
  14. I need time out after social get togethers, not that I go to too many of them.
  15. I have this very strong innate desire to heal others. Like I sometimes wish I had a magic wand to do that.
  16. You can NOT force me to do what I do not want to do. If you force me, I will feel suffocated.
  17. I am always disturbed by injustice. If I see any injustice happening around me, I have to hold the urge to get involved and give a piece of my mind. (My latest anger is directed towards Mr. Modi for coming up with privacy-killing ideas such as compulsory registration of marriages. What will women in our society do? He is so insensitive to women. My second latest is against trolls who want to keep pestering people who have no interest in them.)
  18. Many times, I feel emotions that I have no idea where they have come from. I go down without reason, I am happy without reason… I have no idea what touches me during my course of the day.
  19. You may have hurt me profusely and you may have back-stabbed me, but I will reach out if I know you are in pain. And I beat myself up for it, because it is the most vulnerable thing to do – put yourself up for more pain with people who do not value you.
  20. And of couse, I am drawn to healing modalities. Obviously.

That makes 20 of them.

 

Turning back

She found his sister-in-law walking down the street opposite to her house. It had been 8 years since she had seen any of his family members. Debating whether to avoid or not, she found her approaching. In her heart, she missed the friendship she had shared with his sister. It was an easy-going friendship, one that was without judgement. She called her ‘didi’, and not ‘bhabhi’. She did not want to bring the ‘weight’ of a bhabhi-wala relation into the simple sisterly friendship.

As didi approached, she hugged her, reminiscing the days gone by. Didi took her to her house, where there were a lot of people buzzing around, maybe for a wedding that was planned in the house. She felt amiss. Didi took her to a room and asked her to wait. On the other side of the room, she felt a presence. Ma. She jumped in surprise, went ahead and hugged ma too. Touched feet. Ma was distanced and detached. She handed me a letter. A handwritten letter.

She just took and just gave it a listless glance. No expression. When she went to her room, she found him there. She had forgiven him and had no weight in her heart. So, she greeted him politely.  Apparently, they all wanted him and her to get back together. She thought in her heart, that it was a foolish wishful want. She debated whether to cut this conversation short or see what he had to say. Curiosity took over and she took a seat 5 feet away from him. They spoke about inconsequential things. Then his intention was to move on to personal chat, but she sensed it and cut him short. She wanted to leave, but he got angry. All she said was, “You are still the same. Lower your temper.”

And she went to her parents to tell them to go and ask that family to move on. What did she achieve from that conversation? Not sure, maybe she had the satisfaction of knowing that it was the right thing to do, to walk out. Rather, to accept that he walked out. That a piece of paper with two signatures mean nothing when someone does not want to nurture a relationship. And of course, vice versa.

She thought of the man she now had in her life. Dynamic, mature and extremely loving. She thanked her stars. A small smile escaped her lips.

Track 2:

In her words:

The wedding atmosphere suddenly turned into tension filled melee. She was puzzled. Then people came running and shouting that the groom has halted the wedding celebrations because he wanted 10 lakhs immediately. The bride’s parents tried to ask our parents to arrange for the money. And fools that they are, they way they chose that man for me, they scrambled around, arranging for it.

I asked them to stop the madness. Just. Stop. It.

How dare that girl not stop this by taking a stand?? This for God’s sake is the 21st century. Educated people do NOT blackmail the bride’s family for money on the altar of marriage. What stops her from walking out? Is it okay to see her parents begging others for money? Is it okay to see the elderly couple scrambling around, and losing their wits on something as inconsequential as “buying a groom for their daughter”????

Track 3:

She wakes up with a jolt, angry and upset. Why after so many years, did she see this dream? Perhaps somewhere in her psyche, she expected him to come and apologize to her. And perhaps, somewhere in her psyche, she wants all those girls to stand up for their parents, who feel they are a victim of the society’s demands for sending a daughter with loads of materialistic things, with or without demand.

Track 4:

She thought of her parents who had the strength that ONLY true love could give, to support and in fact, help her in the brave decision she took so many years ago. She smiled as she saw the way her father’s head held high, when she told him of the salary hike she recently got. He is one proud father – he has seen her move from being a meek domestic girl to a confident corporate lady.

She immediately picked up her phone, and dialled Papa.

Smiling Female Business Leader With Arms Crossed

When nothing inspires

Some days are just like dampness.

You don’t like it and wait for it to dry out completely.

We tend to have such days and during those days, nothing seems to inspire us.

What do I do on such days?

  1. Meditate: I like to listen to guided meditation, especially those that allow for paced breathing and progressive muscle relaxation.
  2. Read: Although my reading has stopped for quite some while, I have days when reading soothes me. I can not read more than 20-30 pages at a time.
  3. Cook: Cooking is a big destressor for me. I forget everything when I cook.
  4. Mobile Game: Some times, you just want to kill time without taxing your brain – without making it “think”. A simple mobile game does the trick!!
  5. Sleeeeeeeeeeep: Nothing beats sleep and I am sure each one of you (except insomniacs) will agree with me.
  6. Watch videos: Funny, inspirational, TED Talks, How To’s, you choose what works for you. How To’s work for me.

What works for you?

Introvertish Peeves

  • No, thank you. I don’t need company.
  • Reply to any question: A—X–Z. I am done. In my mind, it goes “ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ”
  • Have to call someone – I will have a 101 reasons not to call ‘right now’. If I don’t, my clever mind will create 101 reasons. Note, ‘right now’ comes always.
  • Anti-social or pro-solitude
  • Socializing escape reasons: Too cold, too hot, unwell, have to cook, headache, well sometimes, just not interested, thanks. 😛
  • Best excuse: Oh, I don’t want to intrude. *Coy Smile.*
  • Bugging beliefs: Everyone’s around me is perfect, I am not. No one understands me.
  • We love helping out. Except, send us an email. Verbal doesn’t work. Ever.
  • Most of us need TIME to register conversations, and SPACE to privately express emotions over those conversations. Yes, we do have emotions.
  • Proud to be me. But sometimes, do invite me out.
  • There are just too many conversations running in my head to even consider a remote possibility of talking. Yep, we talk inside our heads. And no, we are not crazy.
  • No one can comprehend the joy of coming home!! It’s a Yay moment. And I am always always in a hurry to reach home, so that I can paint/cook/scrub the home/just do nothing.
  • My most hated statement, “Come out of your shell.”
  • When phone calls go beyond 15 minutes, (except of course a select few), I start losing attention and start wanting the conversation to end asap. I am not guilty about it. Sorry.
  • Shopping or window shopping by myself. I like. I like.
  • I always have a lot to say, but can almost never put it into words. If I try, I describe A as Z. God be with people close to me.
  • Arguments cause me great deal of distress because I can find no words to defend myself. All the words are stored in the Mind’s Cloud and come forth after the argument is over. Bleh!