Posted in #life, And she was left only with shattered dreams, Betrayals, Challenges, Hechicera, How to take care of ur relationships, Human Rights, Just Like That from the Justice Lady, lessons, Let me breathe atleast now, Mirage in the Mist, Philosophy, wisdom

Right here, right now. Go. Leave. Reinvent.

You’re allowed to leave any story you don’t find yourself in. You’re allowed to leave any story you don’t love yourself in.

You’re allowed to leave a city that has dimmed your light instead of making you shine brighter, you’re allowed to pack all your bags and start over somewhere else and you’re allowed to redefine the meaning of your life.
You’re allowed to quit the job you hate even if the world tells you not to and you’re allowed to search for something that makes you look forward to tomorrow and to the rest of your life.

You’re allowed to leave someone you love if they’re treating you poorly, you’re allowed to put yourself first if you’re settling and you’re allowed to walk away when you’ve tried over and over again but nothing has changed.

You’re allowed to let toxic friends go, you’re allowed to surround yourself with love, and people who encourage and nurture you. You’re allowed to pick the kind of energy you need in your life.

You’re allowed to forgive yourself for your biggest and smallest mistakes and you’re allowed to be kind to yourself, you’re allowed to look in the mirror and actually like the person you see.

You’re allowed to set yourself free from your own expectations.

We sometimes look at leaving as a bad thing or associate it with giving up or quitting, but sometimes leaving is the best thing you can do for yourself.
Leaving allows you to change directions, to start over, to rediscover yourself and the world. Leaving sometimes saves you from staying stuck in the wrong place with the wrong people.

Leaving opens a new door for change, growth, opportunities and redemption.

You always have the choice to leave until you find where you belong and what makes you happy.

You’re even allowed to leave the old you behind and reinvent yourself.

Author: Rania Naim

Posted in Betrayals, Challenges, Food for Thought, Human Rights, Inevitable, Kalyug, lessons, questions, Uncategorized, unfair

Hope, where art thou?

The year gone by has been brutal to say the least. Doctors, nurses, healthcare workers are holding their forts bravely, counseling, leading, consulting, treating and guiding caregivers on their kith and kin. They have been through the entire cycle – from the point a concerned family member approaches them with the first symptom, to the point they have had to share the “news” that the patient is no more. Some are holding up, some lost hope and gave up on their lives, some are hanging on by the thinnest strand of hope, love, patience, whatever they can.

Life has given up a million times in this last one year.

Almost every one of us are, or were, a caregiver to someone during this period.

We have never ever felt more helpless, more powerless and more desperate than today. The sights of graveyards and cremation grounds on TV channels is nothing less than an apocalypse. The thought of so many people in grief – wrenches the heart in fear.

The apathy of those we entrusted our lives to;

The cold blooded, ruthless stare of the self-centered soul wreaks heavily of hands drenched in blood.

But that is not what comes to the mind when caregivers hear screams of their loved ones. Not the shrieks but the silent screams of helpless eyes searching, looking, knowing that something dreadful will happen. These screams, silent screams, if one were to translate, would have just one question – Why?

Why did we allow someone to gag us silent, to bully us into servitude, to convince us that suicide is the best route to salvation?

Why did we allow someone to convince us to hate our brothers, to choose a path that would lead us to devastation?

Why did we not see it coming, when human life was being squandered on the roads leaving blood red foot steps of those wanting to return home, but no one to hear their pleas.

Why did we not see it coming when lifeless men were erected to be worshipped as those who laid its foundation – alive, hungry, struggling, surviving, were ignored?

Why did we allow such huge eons to creep up between the affluent and the common, that the common had no other way except to embrace crime so the pangs would stop?

More questions – but maybe, one day, maybe we all will breathe free, talk free, express free and live free, without fear.

Maybe we all will breathe free, talk free, express free and live free, without fear.

Maybe one day, we all will remember how many of us donned angel wings and tried to help unknown souls, some successful, some not, some punished – but maybe one day, we will all remember what kept us sane is the little bit of humanity that we clung on to, for one another.

Posted in Betrayals, Challenges, How to take care of ur relationships, Paulo Coelho, Philosophy, Relationships, romance, Togetherness, unfair, wisdom

Ghosts Of A Not-So-Pleasant Past?

Paulo Coelho and his words of gem on past memories  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How do you make peace with a negative past and with those who have wronged you? (By Alex)

Coelho: In order to move from the past to the present you need to accept your scars. But you need to do everything in your power in order to heal them so that the ghosts of your past will no longer barge in your present life.

It is a long and difficult process I grant you – but it’s a way out of guilt and hatred in my eyes.

How do you stop sadness? (By Nuri)

Coelho: By welcoming it and living it intensively for a determined amount of period. In my case I give myself three days to be completely submersed in this feeling.

Once I’ve let sadness pay me a visit, then I kindly ask it to leave. Sadness is then satisfied and leaves

My inserts:

There has to be a way of taking them (past memories) out of the system. And I believe it is by overwriting them with new memories. It takes a long time, but yes, it ultimately happens and we end up being happier once we have forgiven our past.  And by saying ‘forgiven our past’, I don’t mean forgiving people who have wronged us, I seriously don’t believe in that, what I mean is to forgive our own selves and let happiness in our lives.

There are a lot of times when we choose to close doors because of past memories and we end up closing doors to good things in life. And that is not good, not good at all. There is a whole lot of good things in the Universe. The Cosmos wants to give you soo much, but you have to be WILLING to have it, you have to be there, standing with open arms to welcome what is rightfully yours. 🙂

So on an end note, are you willing to do that? If yes, do share with me.

*Earlier posted on Sulekha.com in 2011

Posted in Cancer Survivor, Causes, Challenges, Human Rights, lessons, Uncategorized

My Detailed Review on Basavatarakam Indo American Cancer Institute, Hyderabad

Basavatarakam Indo American Hospital - Candid Review

2020 has been a tough year for the whole world and it has been, for me as well. Challenges, losses, big moves in life have happened.

One of the most difficult period of my life started when my father got diagnosed with throat cancer in August 2020. I was referred to Basavatarakam Indo American hospital in Hyderabad for his treatment and exactly as I had heard, the doctors here are the best in their domain – very dedicated and good experts in what they do.

My review here is for the entire experience I had during the course of my father’s treatment.

First things first, about cancer treatment, no one – no one tells you how difficult it is and how lengthy it is. Unless you are aware of the treatment and what it entails; you will never be prepared. It can take your peace away and test your patience to its brink. On one hand, you see the patient suffer excruciatingly; but on the other hand, what one goes through as a caregiver is another story altogether. And yes, finances – it can drain away everything that you have earned in your life. No, insurance does not help and is never enough. Plus, what happens with insurance is another story. Insurance industry runs on ambiguity of everything – ambiguity of disease, of medication, of hospital admissions, of every damn thing.

Doctors:

If you are looking for the best treatment for yourself or your near and dear ones, then the doctors at Indo American do fit the bill. If you know how to work around other challenges, then this is a good choice to make at least treatment wise. Rather, only treatment wise.

One note on Emergency Room doctors – they do not cut a great picture, neither of competence nor of accountability. One of the doctors actually LIED in the log book that he had requested us for admission and that I had refused it – while in reality, the cosulting doctor had clearly said that there was no medical reason for giving admission and that patient could be discharged. It sometimes, boils down to individual ethics and the moment to moment dynamics that happen at that point in time. I came to know that a statement like this one, made by doctors, could end up hampering your chances of getting insurance because the insurance folks treat it as interference in treatment from insured.

Nurses:

Unfortunately, I found most of the nurses in Indo American extremely callous and irresponsible. They shirk responsibility and keep passing the buck from one person to another.. when it comes to patient care. I also found them highly strung, anxious and at the end of their tether most of the time. They keep screaming at each other and at the ward boys – displaying displeasure about everything around them. They do make sure that the patient and their attender do not face their ire – but everything else is usually put under fire. One more strange thing I realised that the nurses here have zero compassion and are just discharging their duties out of force or majboori. It shows in their attitude, in the way they talk and in the way they behave. Also, as a caregiver, you have to be very VERY vigilant – lest they do not even give you your set of medical reports of the patient. Twice it so happened that the tests that were done when my father was admitted – the reports were filed only in their confidential copy of the file and only when I explicitly asked for the reports, they gave me the same copy and asked me to get zerox copies for THEIR file.

There is no provision for special needs of the patient. My father was on a completely liquid diet and nurses just would not look into it – blaming the canteen for no liquid food except soup, etc., and that too only at a particular time. So I had to arrange for his diet needs from outside and I struggled because I was so scared of infection. I specifically faced this challenge because Hyderabad is not my home town and I had shifted temporarily for my father’s treatment. So I neither had a kitchen nor the utensils to get him his food. My childhood friend’s family chipped in here and sent food for almost 10 days from Secunderabad – thank God for blessings like these.

For a hospital that depends on floating population and a good bunch of foreigners that come down here to get themselves treated for cancer, this was a basic thing that was missing. My intention is not to complain but make everyone aware of these challenges. I had to listen to my father’s cries of hunger – he would live on 3 absolutely watery soup glasses that were given to him morning, afternoon and night and 2 glasses of milk – all about 50 ml. It was the most painful thing for me. I was not allowed to meet him due to COVID and I expected that he would be taken care of – he wasn’t; not at least until he was in the COVID ward for 4 days. He lived on hunger. I suffered the pain of seeing him in pain and starvation.

Once his tests were out and he was declared completely COVID negative, he was shifted to a regular room – and after that it was slightly better journey. He had to get a tracheostomy done for ease in breathing and a PEG tube so he could be fed via stomach. What one goes through with tracheostomy is another story – which I will dedicate a separate blog on – but for now, let us just say, here’s where the nurses lacked compassion.

Ward Boys:

It’s all about money. They help you with a wheel chair, they expect money – no no, they blatantly ASK for it. They help dad with his sponge bath, they ask for money. They change the sheets – they want money. It was crazy. I was foolishly handing out 100 rs everytime to them – and then one day, I realised, how do others manage? The realisation came when one ward boy asked for money after giving my father his sponge bath and when I handed him a note, he felt it was too less and high-handedly said, keep it with yourseldf.

Because 6 weeks of treatment and if I am handing out let’s say an average of 200 per day to the ward boys for doing what they are being paid to do, in addition to the treatment costs, I end up paying a good Rs. 8400. I realised this is loot.

Counseling:

What I found the worst of the entire experience was that there was no counselling for the patient or the caregivers – we had no clue what to expect and we just kept guessing, taking each day as it comes. I ask TOO many questions – so I managed to try and understand what was going on, what treatment was being given and how to deal with the tracheostomy, what to expect, etc. But overall, it’s a blind game. You go through it to know it and see it. There is no other way. If you know about the treatment or have read about it, you might know what to expect but otherwise, you have to make peace with piece by piece of difficult realisations – 1) That the treatment will take a minimum of 6 weeks 2) That even after this, there is another 6 weeks of recovery period and that you will not know how effective the treatment was until after the recovery period. 3) That the entire expense will be draining you way more than you expect – so if you expect the treatment to be about 5 lakhs, in reality you will be spending 2x of that. And insurance will pay a pithy amount and tell you that your sub limit has expired.

Waiting Times:

The most difficult part of cancer treatment is to see your life getting wasted away waiting for doctors, nurses, medicines, lines, queues, one cabin, another cabin, and then days pass by listlessly. If you are a caregiver and have a job, expect issues – because there is hardly any awareness around cancer treatments and so, compassion is not easily obtained. My experience has been different in this case, by God’s grace because my MD has seen cancer treatment in his family and hence, he was the most compassionate in all this. Not everyone is that lucky and there is a dire need to fill the gap about cancer treatment awareness for everyone’s benefit.

Final Words:

All said and done, I am thoroughly grateful to everyone, no matter what, for being part of this journey and I have had friends and family comeing together to support me through this. The struggle is not over yet but I am hopeful that it soon will end and I will see my father hale, hearty and smiling with ease at home.

Posted in A Success Story, An Angel for a guardian angel, Challenges, Food for Thought, How to take care of ur relationships, Human Rights, lessons, Let me breathe atleast now, Relationships, Uncategorized, wisdom

You are allowed to (By Rania Naim)

girl underwater dream 1280 by 720

Attributed to Rania Naim, author and poet. Originally published here.

You’re allowed to leave any story you don’t find yourself in.

You’re allowed to leave any story you don’t love yourself in.

You’re allowed to leave a city that has dimmed your light instead of making you shine brighter.

You’re allowed to pack all your bags and start over somewhere else and you’re allowed to redefine the meaning of your life.

You’re allowed to quit the job you hate even if the world tells you not to and you’re allowed to search for something that makes you look forward to tomorrow and to the rest of your life.

You’re allowed to leave someone you love if they’re treating you poorly.

You’re allowed to put yourself first if you’re settling and you’re allowed to walk away when you’ve tried over and over again but nothing has changed.

You’re allowed to let toxic friends go, you’re allowed to surround yourself with love, and people who encourage and nurture you.

You’re allowed to pick the kind of energy you need in your life.

You’re allowed to forgive yourself for your biggest and smallest mistakes and you’re allowed to be kind to yourself, you’re allowed to look in the mirror and actually like the person you see.

You’re allowed to set yourself free from your own expectations.

We sometimes look at leaving as a bad thing or associate it with giving up or quitting, but sometimes leaving is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Leaving allows you to change directions, to start over, to rediscover yourself and the world. Leaving sometimes saves you from staying stuck in the wrong place with the wrong people. Leaving opens a new door for change, growth, opportunities and redemption.

You always have the choice to leave until you find where you belong and what makes you happy.

You’re even allowed to leave the old you behind and reinvent yourself.

Read more of Rania Naim’s touching words here.

Posted in #introvert, #life, A walk into the woods, And she was left only with shattered dreams, Betrayals, Challenges, Dreamy, Fantasy, Hechicera, I see eyes that are cold, lessons, Mirage in the Mist, Relationships, romance, Togetherness, Verses n Rhymes

When the light becomes ‘blinding’

Ray of Light 2Ray of Light

 

A ray of light, they say, is a real hope giver

When in darkness, they say, look for the ray of light

It’s within you, they say, the light’s within you

A single ray of light is enough, they say, just one

When darkness doesn’t perish years of loneliness

The desire to experience one tight hug, just one

The longing to be the one for someone,

That one kiss, that one touch, a caress of passion

And suddenly, there is so much of light,

So much happiness that you feel it’s untrue

But you are so blinded, so blinded by that light

That you couldn’t see the cliff in front of you

It came, the fall that was inevitable

From darkness straight into blinding light

Even the dead see a beautiful shining light, I have heard

Even the dead, even the dead.

 

 

 

 

Posted in A Success Story, Betrayals, Challenges, Inspiration, Just Like That from the Justice Lady, lessons, Philosophy, Trends

Yepp, I am hooked!

To what?

Netflix!

Lawyers!

US Law!

The way subpoenas happen!

I am enjoying the series “SUITS” so much, the way law works in the US, assuming what they show on TV / Netflix is close to real, just amazes me to no end.

Before this, I watched “Drop Dead Diva” and fell in love with Jane Bingham. Absolutely thrilling series with an unputdownable quality to it.

For 5 years, my television served the purpose of a decorative piece on the wall. Suddenly now, there’s Netflix and a whole world of entertainment, awareness and learning has opened up.

Posted in #EndViolence, And she was left only with shattered dreams, Betrayals, Challenges, Flame of Peace, Human Rights, I see eyes that are cold, unfair

Abuses will soon become facts

Disclaimer: Please read with an open mind. Healthy debate is acceptable, feud and disrespect is not.

Girl

Day After day, we keep hearing new stories about men abusing, raping, torturing and killing women in India. The extent of frustration is so high that anything, any damn thing with a vagina works for them. Sensationalizing news has now become routine. That which once was considered shameful, obnoxious and inhuman is today so commonplace that we don’t blink an eyelid anymore.

Every rape gets its share of primetime in news channels and print media and these days, online news sites, for a couple of days and vanishes into the throes of dark oblivion.

Every single scream curdles my blood. How do i hear it? Can’t you?

Can’t you hear the screams emerging from the depths of these news stories? How can you not hear them?

A goat? A g.o.a.t?

How in God’s name can the beast hurt a goat like that?

There has to be a line drawn somewhere. Somewhere, by somebody. Law died a shameful death the day Vishakha died. Government never did have a conscience anyways… Neither this one, nor the erstwhile one.

My concern is not that a goat lost her life too. My concern is that it doesn’t matter who it is, Vishakha, Asifa, the numerous infants put to brutal deaths after being “had”, it just doesn’t matter who it is.

IT DOESN’T MATTER TO THEM.

They will push stuff for pleasure into anything and everything. One day will come when the MCs and BCs will no more be called abuses.

The way we are headed, it’s only gloom for the female community in India. As long as lawyers defend perpetrators, we are headed for the gallows.

As long as juveniles get away with adult-like crimes citing their age, we are headed for the gallows.

As long as we don’t legalize prostitution, men will keep forcing themselves on women and robbing them of their modesty.

Prostitution was illegalized by prejudiced minds that couldn’t see dignity in consensual sex. By minds who had no idea that this would unleash horny savage beasts on the roads, in buses, in temples and animal shelters, with uncontrollably raging hormones that will destroy everything to bits, and kill their prey so that there is no voice against them.

Recently, Sonu Nigam came out in the open and put forth his PoV that prostitution should be legalized and there should be compulsory sex education in schools. I finally found a reason to respect him!!

I seriously believe that is part answer to this problem. India has mostly been a conservative country and people are still living in old age days, where women are forced to cover their faces, where honor killing still exists and women are looked upon as submissive creatures in a patriarchic society.

Looking down upon prostitution is sadly a very orthodox way of deeming it an undignified profession. Why? Why can’t we change our mindsets and see it as a profession which involves a great deal of hard work and give it the dignity it deserves? Trafficking is crime – prostitution is just another job.

I am aware of the sensitivity of this subject – however, someone needs to raise a voice. Someone needs to start talking somewhere.

How will these rapes end?

Posted in Betrayals, Causes, Challenges, Education, lessons, Mirage in the Mist, questions, Uncategorized, unfair

An answer-less question

Juz thinking.. why no marriage of aadhar with voter card? If we want one and only one identity, then everything else must be removed.

How will a daily wage worker have a bank account?

Digital India is not just for the common man. It’s not just for the individual who has to stand in the lines for hours and hours to withdraw money that changed faces overnight. It’s not just for the little ones who are dying because their family’s name was struck off from welfare rolls for not having performed the “marriage” of aadhar with ration card.

It’s also for the ruling who have been able to settle down on “that” chair because these very same people had chosen them to rule. They chose, not for starving to death, not for being forced to have empty bank accounts, not for struggling to get new money, not for being threatened that their bank accounts will be discontinued, not for having to shell out taxes on basic needs that are “unclear”, “vague” and “dynamic”, not for women who pay more because sanitary napkins got dearer, not for the weaver whose fabric anyway has lost demand, not for manufacturers who are already hit because of imports, not for witnessing preferential treatment to those on the high chairs, not to suffer unplanned and disillusioned overnight decisions, not to just endlessly suffer.

It’s also for the ruling to first address the starved, the sick, the struggling and provide basic needs. One wouldn’t want to keep a little shack clean on an empty stomach. True, there are people – educated for that matter – who litter. But there is a higher percentage that has nothing to even litter. In fact, some find food from litter. Isn’t that a shame? Making life easier for the common man seems to be the last in the list of the ruling. However, do note that this is not meant to be an absolute statement.

It’s also for the ruling to first address the sectors that are draining money rather than penalize everyone and create more money. Reducing wastage is also saving money. Improving efficiency is also saving money. When you and I and everyone else is clearly showing where we are spending our money, then the ruling is also supposed to show where they are spending “our” money. Wouldn’t that be fair?

Anyway, I am not for or against anyone and am also aware of the positive changes that have happened – although very few and I am not sure if the effect of positive overrides the effect of negative, or vice versa? I started off as a thought, and didn’t plan to write so much – but, I guess there was a lot in mind that needed to be expressed. I am worried though. Really worried. Is the place where the Aadhar identities are kept secured enough? That and several apprehensions.

And even now, my question remains unanswered.

Do you have an answer?