Diaries of the Hechicera: Clash

She did enough to conceal herself. She had no interest in herself. All she knew was to work, work and work. She had clung on to work to make minutes pass in her life – so that those thoughts wouldn’t come back and torment her. She was always walking around with puffy face, dragging her feet exactly the same way that she was dragging her life.

He was a workaholic. Night, day, weekday, weekend – he’d be at work. Did he ever sleep? Did he ever do what normal people do – like going to the movies?? Did he not have friends? Did he not network? What and who is he?? Arrogant, haughty and detestable.

She entered the office, dark because it was a Saturday and there was no one. From the corner of her eye, the cabin at the corner seemed to be lit. Well, someone must have forgotten to switch it off on Friday. She headed towards the cabin to switch that light off. And there he was, working on his Mac.

Ridiculous!!! There are other people who are MAD like me???

Before she could retrace her steps, he lifted his eyes and caught her – greeted her, but in her mind, he caught her!! Oops. Okay, be civilised my dear. Greet him back. Where are your manners? She greeted him back and took her seat. She was aware of his presence all the while. Instead of the usual 3 hours, she just wrapped up in one, and sped off back home.

He wondered what was it about her that he felt like protecting? She exuded a very vulnerable vibe. Like a prey sitting ready for a predator to devour. And he looked around her. There were predators who he knew spoke really shabbily about her. Predators who thought she is a fool, who laughed behind her back at her sense (or lack of it) of fashion, the way she spoke, the way she worked – everything about her was a bad joke. Maybe that’s where the protective feeling came from. She was hurt. Very hurt. Her entire demeanour reflected that. Maybe not as hurt as him, but she was. He wondered what had happened in her life. He knew and recognised this work obsession of hers very well. He himself was part of the same boat.

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Musical Monday: Scott Joplin’s “The Entertainer”

I have developed a very great liking for piano classics. I would like to share this one tune that my neighbor was practicing during my short stay in Singapore. I took some time googling it, but I got to know that this is one of the toughest tunes to play and students learning piano who can actually pull off this one, are considered experts and stalwarts in Piano.

Do listen to it and let me know how you felt. I will share more of my favorites in subsequent posts.

What it means being an Empath

I didn’t know that I am an Empath.

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As I move ahead on my spiritual path and discover new things about myself in this journey, I have received a lot of answers to questions that I always had, and to those that I never had either.

I will try my best to share this journey with you, maybe one of you will identify with it, who knows?

  1. Songs affect me in a huge way. I can not bear to listen to some songs (esp from the oldies lot like Kishore Kumar’s) because they make me depressed.
  2. Deja Vu is a common phenomenon with me, because I tend to have the feeling of “I’ve been here before”, or “I’ve seen him/her before” quite often.
  3. Pink skies make me depressed and a bit scared as well.
  4. I am highly highly sensitive and tend to pick up vibes very quickly. (To my deepest chagrin, at work, I am just the opposite..!!!!)
  5. I like/do not like cities or places according to the vibes I get.
  6. I tend to immediately catch the feelings of a person around me if they are sad, depressed or in grief.
  7. I cry a lot… a lot means really a lot. Every emotion results in tears – joy, sorrow, grief, anger, irritation, upset – every damn emotion and the tears flow.
  8. When someone shares their feelings with me, I suffer along with them because those feelings and emotions become me and I become them. This is the worst trait I have.
  9. Hate crowds. Hate empty stores too. Extremes.
  10. These movies disturbed me very badly: Trapped, Life, Alien Covenant – you get the point.
  11. Long conversations, especially with acquaintances tire me out. I can’t sustain long phone conversations either.
  12. Loud noises, loud speakers, screaming people etc. disturb me and drive me to madness. So also, I get startled easily, even by something as small as the ringing of a phone – I jump out of my seat. There have been times when I actually dropped the phone when it started ringing.
  13. I can NOT multitask. Neither physically not mentally. Conversely, I can read two books parallelly – but each a bit at a time, I can switch from reading to painting to crochet to cooking faster than a butterfly switching flowers.
  14. I need time out after social get togethers, not that I go to too many of them.
  15. I have this very strong innate desire to heal others. Like I sometimes wish I had a magic wand to do that.
  16. You can NOT force me to do what I do not want to do. If you force me, I will feel suffocated.
  17. I am always disturbed by injustice. If I see any injustice happening around me, I have to hold the urge to get involved and give a piece of my mind. (My latest anger is directed towards Mr. Modi for coming up with privacy-killing ideas such as compulsory registration of marriages. What will women in our society do? He is so insensitive to women. My second latest is against trolls who want to keep pestering people who have no interest in them.)
  18. Many times, I feel emotions that I have no idea where they have come from. I go down without reason, I am happy without reason… I have no idea what touches me during my course of the day.
  19. You may have hurt me profusely and you may have back-stabbed me, but I will reach out if I know you are in pain. And I beat myself up for it, because it is the most vulnerable thing to do – put yourself up for more pain with people who do not value you.
  20. And of couse, I am drawn to healing modalities. Obviously.

That makes 20 of them.

 

In my World

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In my world,

there is no sorrow

there is no depression

there is no anxiety

there is no crime

there is no violence

there is no hunger

there is no betrayal

there is no politics

In my world,

there is only love.

Brought by benign souls

Promoted by kind angels

They share their excess with kindness

They accept from others with humility.

And they maintain a balance.

Tell me you are one of them.

Tell me.

Because I know, that I am.

But my world needs you to become perfect.

My world needs change to become what I define it to be.

My world.

Born free. Free to choose.

Live and Help Live.

One day…

I am sure, one day, the bitterness will fade away
Into the depths of a black memory hole that has taken my peace away.
I am sure, one day, all that will remain is love
The overwhelming pure giving love that’s there in my heart.

I am sure, one day, the hurt will not hurt anymore
And sleep will not be filled with nightmares galore
My face reeks of indolent under-eyes, of how many tears they cried
Of hope that kept gnawing at me, leading me to big disappointments.

One day, the emptiness will not wrench my heart
And no matter how desolate I feel, I will still make a start
One day, the lonely eyes will stop looking here and there
For a face that never existed, only in dreams, I was aware.

The constant connectedness like two souls became one,
Witnessing something strong – like a psychic connection
Sometimes I wonder is true love a destroyer,
Destroyer for one, redeemer for the other

Projecting my own goodness on another did me well
For it was a grave I had dug up so well
My mentor told me, “It was you, not him.”
You saw yourself in him, not him.

Today, I stand. Today, is one day.
No more is my heart wrenched,
No more the tears, my eyes dried, a bit too much
No more is my heart ready to tear

Today, is that one day. Only love today and thereon.
Just pure love in my heart. For you, for him,
For all of them, the owners of my tears.
She said I am unconditional – am I? Maybe.

All I know, is that it’s okay. Today. It’s truly okay.
The choices we make are the choices that make us.
Life is one big universe with a whole lot to offer.
All I remember now, are only the good times

No regrets. No sorrow. No pining. No pitying.
No nothing. Only peace. I wish the same for all.
Today I stand. Calm and Composed. I stand tall.
Today I thank in grace. I thank you and all.