What it means being an Empath

I didn’t know that I am an Empath.

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As I move ahead on my spiritual path and discover new things about myself in this journey, I have received a lot of answers to questions that I always had, and to those that I never had either.

I will try my best to share this journey with you, maybe one of you will identify with it, who knows?

  1. Songs affect me in a huge way. I can not bear to listen to some songs (esp from the oldies lot like Kishore Kumar’s) because they make me depressed.
  2. Deja Vu is a common phenomenon with me, because I tend to have the feeling of “I’ve been here before”, or “I’ve seen him/her before” quite often.
  3. Pink skies make me depressed and a bit scared as well.
  4. I am highly highly sensitive and tend to pick up vibes very quickly. (To my deepest chagrin, at work, I am just the opposite..!!!!)
  5. I like/do not like cities or places according to the vibes I get.
  6. I tend to immediately catch the feelings of a person around me if they are sad, depressed or in grief.
  7. I cry a lot… a lot means really a lot. Every emotion results in tears – joy, sorrow, grief, anger, irritation, upset – every damn emotion and the tears flow.
  8. When someone shares their feelings with me, I suffer along with them because those feelings and emotions become me and I become them. This is the worst trait I have.
  9. Hate crowds. Hate empty stores too. Extremes.
  10. These movies disturbed me very badly: Trapped, Life, Alien Covenant – you get the point.
  11. Long conversations, especially with acquaintances tire me out. I can’t sustain long phone conversations either.
  12. Loud noises, loud speakers, screaming people etc. disturb me and drive me to madness. So also, I get startled easily, even by something as small as the ringing of a phone – I jump out of my seat. There have been times when I actually dropped the phone when it started ringing.
  13. I can NOT multitask. Neither physically not mentally. Conversely, I can read two books parallelly – but each a bit at a time, I can switch from reading to painting to crochet to cooking faster than a butterfly switching flowers.
  14. I need time out after social get togethers, not that I go to too many of them.
  15. I have this very strong innate desire to heal others. Like I sometimes wish I had a magic wand to do that.
  16. You can NOT force me to do what I do not want to do. If you force me, I will feel suffocated.
  17. I am always disturbed by injustice. If I see any injustice happening around me, I have to hold the urge to get involved and give a piece of my mind. (My latest anger is directed towards Mr. Modi for coming up with privacy-killing ideas such as compulsory registration of marriages. What will women in our society do? He is so insensitive to women. My second latest is against trolls who want to keep pestering people who have no interest in them.)
  18. Many times, I feel emotions that I have no idea where they have come from. I go down without reason, I am happy without reason… I have no idea what touches me during my course of the day.
  19. You may have hurt me profusely and you may have back-stabbed me, but I will reach out if I know you are in pain. And I beat myself up for it, because it is the most vulnerable thing to do – put yourself up for more pain with people who do not value you.
  20. And of couse, I am drawn to healing modalities. Obviously.

That makes 20 of them.

 

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In my World

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In my world,

there is no sorrow

there is no depression

there is no anxiety

there is no crime

there is no violence

there is no hunger

there is no betrayal

there is no politics

In my world,

there is only love.

Brought by benign souls

Promoted by kind angels

They share their excess with kindness

They accept from others with humility.

And they maintain a balance.

Tell me you are one of them.

Tell me.

Because I know, that I am.

But my world needs you to become perfect.

My world needs change to become what I define it to be.

My world.

Born free. Free to choose.

Live and Help Live.

Turning back

She found his sister-in-law walking down the street opposite to her house. It had been 8 years since she had seen any of his family members. Debating whether to avoid or not, she found her approaching. In her heart, she missed the friendship she had shared with his sister. It was an easy-going friendship, one that was without judgement. She called her ‘didi’, and not ‘bhabhi’. She did not want to bring the ‘weight’ of a bhabhi-wala relation into the simple sisterly friendship.

As didi approached, she hugged her, reminiscing the days gone by. Didi took her to her house, where there were a lot of people buzzing around, maybe for a wedding that was planned in the house. She felt amiss. Didi took her to a room and asked her to wait. On the other side of the room, she felt a presence. Ma. She jumped in surprise, went ahead and hugged ma too. Touched feet. Ma was distanced and detached. She handed me a letter. A handwritten letter.

She just took and just gave it a listless glance. No expression. When she went to her room, she found him there. She had forgiven him and had no weight in her heart. So, she greeted him politely.  Apparently, they all wanted him and her to get back together. She thought in her heart, that it was a foolish wishful want. She debated whether to cut this conversation short or see what he had to say. Curiosity took over and she took a seat 5 feet away from him. They spoke about inconsequential things. Then his intention was to move on to personal chat, but she sensed it and cut him short. She wanted to leave, but he got angry. All she said was, “You are still the same. Lower your temper.”

And she went to her parents to tell them to go and ask that family to move on. What did she achieve from that conversation? Not sure, maybe she had the satisfaction of knowing that it was the right thing to do, to walk out. Rather, to accept that he walked out. That a piece of paper with two signatures mean nothing when someone does not want to nurture a relationship. And of course, vice versa.

She thought of the man she now had in her life. Dynamic, mature and extremely loving. She thanked her stars. A small smile escaped her lips.

Track 2:

In her words:

The wedding atmosphere suddenly turned into tension filled melee. She was puzzled. Then people came running and shouting that the groom has halted the wedding celebrations because he wanted 10 lakhs immediately. The bride’s parents tried to ask our parents to arrange for the money. And fools that they are, they way they chose that man for me, they scrambled around, arranging for it.

I asked them to stop the madness. Just. Stop. It.

How dare that girl not stop this by taking a stand?? This for God’s sake is the 21st century. Educated people do NOT blackmail the bride’s family for money on the altar of marriage. What stops her from walking out? Is it okay to see her parents begging others for money? Is it okay to see the elderly couple scrambling around, and losing their wits on something as inconsequential as “buying a groom for their daughter”????

Track 3:

She wakes up with a jolt, angry and upset. Why after so many years, did she see this dream? Perhaps somewhere in her psyche, she expected him to come and apologize to her. And perhaps, somewhere in her psyche, she wants all those girls to stand up for their parents, who feel they are a victim of the society’s demands for sending a daughter with loads of materialistic things, with or without demand.

Track 4:

She thought of her parents who had the strength that ONLY true love could give, to support and in fact, help her in the brave decision she took so many years ago. She smiled as she saw the way her father’s head held high, when she told him of the salary hike she recently got. He is one proud father – he has seen her move from being a meek domestic girl to a confident corporate lady.

She immediately picked up her phone, and dialled Papa.

Smiling Female Business Leader With Arms Crossed

LinkedIn Policing

One of the ladies on LinkedIn, Suman Agarwal posted the following question:

Should a woman stay in an abusive marriage for her kids or move out for her kids?

It’s obvious that the question would invite a barrage of debatable comments. But I do not want to talk here about the answer to that question right now. We will come to that later. What shocked me is the number of people who started commenting on whether LinkedIn is the right forum for this question.

Some even advised Suman to post it on Facebook.

Some such high headed commentors included women – sadly.

Here are some classic comments and replies to them from level-headed people:

**Advance Warning: I have collated about 50 comments from 500 – worked hard on it. Go ahead only of you have the patience to read them. You can scroll down though, but won’t comprehend why I am so cross.

40

Can’t even talk English. But saving family is lady’s responsibility, even if she is abused.

39

Spend more time with the husband so that he can abuse her more. Mr srinivaas makes perfect sense.

And Ms Swetha Kala – wants to try and change the man, cater to his needs, understand… and what not, ridiculous!!!

38

We all are fools. Mr Tyagi has an IQ of Marilyn vos Savant.

36

Society is perfectly normal when it accepts man abusing woman. But raising a voice is misleading a society. Wow.

35

34

How spiritual!!

33

32

31

I want to go to the garden of Eden!!!

30

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ahem ahem, best poetry award!!

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People can not have the compassion to offer their view but have the galls to waste their precious time writing “Post in another forum”.

And, trust me, it made me livid. Such an important issue – every forum counts, every supporting comment, every possible solution counts!!! Sadly, people like this lady love posting such comments, diverting attention from an important issue to the relevance of the platform. Hello? Why are YOU commenting on that post if it’s not supposed to be on LinkedIn???

Instead of contributing value to the debate, they sit on their high chairs and JUDGE.

Too many rants these days, but the Justice Lady just can’t take it!!!

Why do people not let women be, not let them take their decisions, not let them flourish by themselves without raising fingers?

 

A Mundane Rant

Well, apparently the electricity board has got privatized. Yeah, I sometimes tend to be oblivious to some of the “important” developments in our country.

Well, last month was hectic and the electricity bill slipped off my mind. What do you know???

Ting Tong!!

I open the door. Madam, have you paid the electricity bill?

Me: I don’t think so. I will check in my mail box and pay it today.

She: No madam, pay it right now, within one hour. I am disconnecting the power supply to your home. When you pay it, someone will come and switch it on.

Me: thinking, What??? No reminder, no nothing, straight banging on my door with a threat!!

Me: Dekhiye madam, I told you I shall pay it. Don’t cut the light. There is a patient in my house. (A relative was getting treated for a serious health issue and she is staying with me.)

She: No madam. Nothing doing. Have you picked up your light bill?

Me: Not yet

HE (someone who accompanied this haughty lady): Kya madam, light bill dekhna maangta hai ki nahin??? Shouting at the TOP of his voice so that the entire neighborhood could hear.. the old lady on the ground floor actually came out of her flat and started asking those guys to efff off and not trouble me.

Me: thinking, unbelievable!!

Me: How can you guys just barge into an elite society and accuse someone of not paying the bill? It’s peanuts for God’s sake!!! WHYY?? Why would you create a scene and insult someone for such a measly amount??? AND not give time to pay it off.

Finally, on the old lady’s behest (God bless her, she loves me)… they agreed to give me a couple of hours. I did what was required.

But this incident left a bad taste in my mouth. THIS is our developed India, where respectable citizens are harassed and threatened of being denied of basic amenities on the spot. And two citizens, and I don’t know how many more, are employed to knock on the doors of every house and threaten perfectly sane people who have all intentions of paying their hard-earned incomes for electricity and water and gas!!

Here’s what I found out from Mr. Google:

  • That it’s illegal to disconnect power supply without 15 days’ notice
  • That it’s also misuse of powers by the authority
  • That we can lodge a complaint to report this kind of rude behavior and misuse of power

Read these news articles:

MSEB did not leave even eminent ecologist Dr Madhav Gadgil’s house in spite of timely payment of bills.

The National Consumer Disputes Redressal Commission (NCDRC), an apex authority under the Consumer Protection Act (CPA), has rapped MSEDCL for resorting to illegal practice of disconnecting power supply of consumers without issuing notice under section 56 (1) of the Indian Electricity Act (IEA) 2003.

And that’s that.

Rant over.

Phew.

Tears equal helplessness

Why do you cry so much? She asked

I don’t know.

But there must be a reason, right? She persisted.

Do you cry when you are sad?

Yes

Do you cry when you are hurt?

Yes

Do you cry when you are angry?

Yes, i think yes.

OK. Crying is a sign of helplessness. Are you helpless?

No answer

Are you helpless?

No.

Do you think you are so helpless that you can not take action? What could you have done differently, instead of crying?

I have no idea. I just felt so hurt, so dejected that the tears flowed. It was so unfair. It just wasn’t how things are done.

OK. So you felt hurt. But were you helpless? You could have addressed it head on. Right? Maybe you were scared that there would be a confrontation. Maybe you thought you would be blamed of something. Maybe… and there are a hundreds of maybes that I can give you.

End of the day, were you helpless? No. Could you have chosen another way? Yes.

So, next time, before you allow those tears to encroach upon your cheeks, ask yourself, “Am I helpless?” And if the answer is no, just act upon the reason of “No”. 

Female support

Truly Befikre

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‘Befikre’ is a Hindi word meaning ‘Carefree’.

When I watched this movie, I was really impressed by the story line and the way the romance bloomed between the key protagonists despite all resistance to love.

An absolutely fresh movie, the story revolves under a couple in a live-in relationship who decide to break up. After their break up, they become thick friends. However, both share the ideology that love does not exist. As the lady decided to marry a supposedly “tall, fair, handsome rich” guy after discussing with the lead, both of them realize that they are in love. Everything else ensues, but I did not like the ending, which was turned into a humorous confusion ending with the lead couple just running away from the chaotic scene. The movie also touches hearts with its absolutely fresh and melodious songs with liberal use of French. I didn’t know French is such a beautiful language until I saw this movie. (Maybe I will learn French some day). My personal favorite songs are Je T’aime, Labon ka Karobar and You and Me.

I decided to write about this movie because some moments in the movie touched my heart. There is one scene where the lead heroine is upset with the hero and turns and walks away from him. That is an amazingly acted out scene, as the way she walks away, her head high, her steps confident, is outstanding. It’s a rarity, especially in the Indian society, where that kind of self-assuredness and headstrong attitude is seen as a negative trait, and women are mostly expected to be submissive and meek.

For me, a confident lady is the epitome of the ‘perfect’ woman.

She may belong to any walk of life, but she is to be celebrated for the sheer determination that she displays in leading a respectful life.

She is the successful lady that sits in the cabin and runs her business.

She is the lady in the white suit inside the VP Cabin, devising a strategy for her company.

She is the lady who sits in the cubicle, churning out thousands of lines of code to complete a client project.

She is the lady with dignity who is the pioneer of the small weaving industry in her village.

She is the lady who topped her IAS examination and is now making a huge difference in others’ lives.

She is the lady who plays the roles of a police officer, a sexy siren and a dumb babe with the same degree of poise.

She is the lady who chooses to stay with her partner without worrying about society rules – how does a marriage certificate stop a couple from tearing the relationship apart, and how does the absence of a marriage certificate stop a couple from leading a life of together forever?

She is the lady who expertly counsels individuals and couples with no inhibitions on any issue, and no judgments whatsoever.

She is the lady who decides to walk out of a relationship that’s marred by abuse.

She is the lady who says no to emotional manipulation.

She is the lady who starts life afresh after being ‘abandoned’ by her husband.

She is the lady who paints her heart out and wins accolades in her first art exhibition.

She is the lady that left a high paying job abroad to help poor and abandoned children lead a respectful life by training them on vocational courses.

She is the lady who….  need I say more?

These women are truly ‘befikre’ and I salute them. Do you?

Who is your She?