Posted in A walk into the woods, Hechicera, lady, Love, Memories, Mirage in the Mist, Random Pic Random Post, Relationships, romance, Togetherness

Shards of glass – Unbroken

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He is lost.. in her thoughts
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His mind captures this moment – to make it real one day
Note: I don't own the images and anyone who believes their photograph has been used here, please write to me and I shall connect with you asap.

One look at her and he knew she was a rag doll, a million shards of glass fixed together with something that was hardly visible – what held her together?

SHe intrigued him. He just did not know why he hired her. She was a mess. A clear mess. Deepika. Her eyes told it all – every broken shard shone in her deep eyes – blinding me into shock. What could have happened?

A heart break? He thought? Nope.. doesn’t look like. This is something much more deeper. He did ask her, “Have you ever loved someone?” And she just nodded. That’s it. Something about the way she fluttered her eyes made him feel that she could love deeply. As deep as her teary eyes.

But still, heart break wasn’t really what it seemed like. He had seen enough of life to know how many different faces this being called ‘grief’ wore. She was in grief. Yes. Absolute grief. That’s the right word. Grief.

Deep, dark, lonely, shrouded, NUMB.

A zombie. That’s what she had turned herself into. A zombie that knew only to work. Go back. Sleep. Get up. Come to work. Sleep. Nothing else. She hardly ate – and when she ate, it was tasteless crap, which she’d so sweetly share with me. Grief had turned her so numb that she couldn’t even make out the blandness of food.

WOuld you like to have coffee? Would you like to go out for coffee? I asked again, ensuring that she heard me. She looked up from her laptop. “Huh?? I don’t like coffee.” That’s it. This girl. This 30 something just turned a date into a coffee preference conversation. My Bloody Goodness!! She was either too smart or just too naive. Naive was a tall order – naive doesn’t exist these days. What was she?

All I knew was she worked – like hard labour. Effing hard labour. Tell her anything about the work she did, and she’d turn into this tigress – roaring and defending left right and center.

Something about her told me she could be trusted. Perhaps the mean gossip that went around about her ‘wierdness’ never reached her ears. Or if did, she perhaps didn’t care. Whatever it was, I could sense a flicker of respect for her. Unlike all other women of her age, she was just. A girl. Like a tiny tot that hides behind her mother’s sleeve – except that she hid behind her grief.

And she was determined to not let anyone shake her pieced up million shards up. It would have taken her ages – to pick up the pieces and walk tall again. I suddenly felt another sharp sting in the center of my heart. Protective?? Of course not!! I have seen enough. But the sting kept digging in and in – until it morphed itself into an arrow that pierced to the other side of my heart. I was confused.

It doesn’t really work that way. It doesn’t. But that sting was a growing desire to unbreak her. To peel off that pieced up skin to reveal a bright shining beauty that had retired some 5-6 years ago, I guessed, only to be proven correct later.

Deepika, he thought, somehow, I believe there would always be space for your hand in mine. “Give me your hand”, he said.

The lady doesn’t even turn her head!! She just gives a cross eyed look.

Phewwww. The Board Room fight was easier, I guess!!

Who does he think he is? Absolutely no sense of how to talk to a woman..!!

Huh!! Whatever!

*back to her article

Do you think this is a paragraph from a Mills & Boon story?

Would you like to give him a name?

What next??

*Originally published 9th January 2016

Posted in Causes, Challenges, Flame of Peace, Food for Thought, Human Rights, Inspiration, Just Like That from the Justice Lady, lady, Philosophy, Uncategorized, wisdom

Truly Befikre

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‘Befikre’ is a Hindi word meaning ‘Carefree’.

When I watched this movie, I was really impressed by the story line and the way the romance bloomed between the key protagonists despite all resistance to love.

An absolutely fresh movie, the story revolves under a couple in a live-in relationship who decide to break up. After their break up, they become thick friends. However, both share the ideology that love does not exist. As the lady decided to marry a supposedly “tall, fair, handsome rich” guy after discussing with the lead, both of them realize that they are in love. Everything else ensues, but I did not like the ending, which was turned into a humorous confusion ending with the lead couple just running away from the chaotic scene. The movie also touches hearts with its absolutely fresh and melodious songs with liberal use of French. I didn’t know French is such a beautiful language until I saw this movie. (Maybe I will learn French some day). My personal favorite songs are Je T’aime, Labon ka Karobar and You and Me.

I decided to write about this movie because some moments in the movie touched my heart. There is one scene where the lead heroine is upset with the hero and turns and walks away from him. That is an amazingly acted out scene, as the way she walks away, her head high, her steps confident, is outstanding. It’s a rarity, especially in the Indian society, where that kind of self-assuredness and headstrong attitude is seen as a negative trait, and women are mostly expected to be submissive and meek.

For me, a confident lady is the epitome of the ‘perfect’ woman.

She may belong to any walk of life, but she is to be celebrated for the sheer determination that she displays in leading a respectful life.

She is the successful lady that sits in the cabin and runs her business.

She is the lady in the white suit inside the VP Cabin, devising a strategy for her company.

She is the lady who sits in the cubicle, churning out thousands of lines of code to complete a client project.

She is the lady with dignity who is the pioneer of the small weaving industry in her village.

She is the lady who topped her IAS examination and is now making a huge difference in others’ lives.

She is the lady who plays the roles of a police officer, a sexy siren and a dumb babe with the same degree of poise.

She is the lady who chooses to stay with her partner without worrying about society rules – how does a marriage certificate stop a couple from tearing the relationship apart, and how does the absence of a marriage certificate stop a couple from leading a life of together forever?

She is the lady who expertly counsels individuals and couples with no inhibitions on any issue, and no judgments whatsoever.

She is the lady who decides to walk out of a relationship that’s marred by abuse.

She is the lady who says no to emotional manipulation.

She is the lady who starts life afresh after being ‘abandoned’ by her husband.

She is the lady who paints her heart out and wins accolades in her first art exhibition.

She is the lady that left a high paying job abroad to help poor and abandoned children lead a respectful life by training them on vocational courses.

She is the lady who….  need I say more?

These women are truly ‘befikre’ and I salute them. Do you?

Who is your She?

Posted in #life, Flame of Peace, Food for Thought, God, happiness, Inspiration, lady, lessons, Philosophy, Relationships, Spirituality, wisdom

Note to self…

An almost burnt-down lit candle on a candle ho...
SPENT… (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Get up, dust yourself and move on.

Two years back, I requested my masi to read out a vachan from the Guru Granth Sahib that she has at her home.

That post was titled “Saying Goodbye“. The time I wrote that post was also one of the most turbulent times I had gone through and I believed that the worst was over.

Quoting myself from that post,

Why is this post titled ‘Saying Goodbye?’ I am saying Goodbye to my old self.
Welcome change! I accept you with open arms. God is there with me.

I can share His plans with you. In hindsight, this is the vachan He gave me:

“Raam naam man deep dhar, jeeyan dehri dwaar.
Tulsi bheetar bahar, Je chahyes ujiyaar
Raam naam ur ur mein gahiyo, jaake sam nahin koye
Jeeya Simrat sankat mite darsh tuharo hoye.”

Meaning: “Be the candle at the doorstep of your home, that spreads light inside your home and into the world outside.”

THAT was meant to be my role. I shared with my mentor, that I took a very big decision in my life after this vachan. My Godfather my mentor and someone who I love deeply told me very sweetly, that my dear, it is so very clear that your role was to be the candle in someone’s life for a while. While you were doing that, you were also lighting your own self. But my dear, please remember that the candle has to burn itself out one day. It melts down to nothing and then, its role is over.

You have been that candle in someone’s life – perhaps in many lives that you believe benefitted by your being in some way. Your role is over. Pick up the pieces and move on, for you are made for better things in life. Your role as a candle was a part of your true calling. Keep working on it.

And his wife says, Punam, what is yours will never go. If it did, it was never yours.

To my mentor: I enjoyed being that candle. Although it burned me out, I shall cherish the pain too. I am not afraid of lighting myself all over again.

I leave you all with these pictures….  and a final thought:

People change, memories don’t. People can only add to you. Nothing is ever lost.

Dedicated to my mentors who have me wrapped in angel wings: Sampath ji and Beena ji
Dedicated to my mentors who have me wrapped in angel wings: Sampath ji and Beena ji
Love yourself. Period. Everything else will fall in place.
Love yourself. Period. Everything else will fall in place.
Posted in #life, Food for Thought, happiness, Inspiration, lady, lessons, Love, questions, Relationships, romance, Tears

She sold herself

“Aseen sajna tuti yaari da, ajj tak afsos manaunde rahe…
Tusee heera gawa ke khush phirde, asee pathran laay pachtaunde rahe”

I am nursing my broken heart, and still mourning for it till date,
You are happy losing a diamond, I am still regretting the loss of a pebble.


She was hurled out the car by the man she loved. She was drunk, drugged and high. Wandering on the streets aimlessly in the dark of the night, she sized up her past two relationships. They were more physical than emotional. Emotional at her end, but the men, only wanted her body. She couldn’t see it. Everyone tried to show her the truth. She defied.

She did not want to believe them, because she believed him. He wouldn’t commit. Yet, she believed him. There were red lights every time they spoke about marriage. Yet, she believed him. He would avoid talking about ‘us’. She had never been in any of his future plans. Yet, she believed him.

Today, when he unceremoniously hurled her out of his car, bang on the highway, in a state of stupor, her eyes suddenly saw what everyone was trying to show her. It was her body he had wanted all along. It was only sex. No love. She was dazed at the realization. All alone.

Passersby look at her – wierdo. She is talking to herself.

I am a commodity. You never loved me. I am only a commodity. How dare you do this to me. You knew HE had used me too, before you. Yet, you did the same thing to me. Nobody sees the heart that beats inside a woman’s body. A woman is only the sum total of her physical assets. You know what? So be it. If that is what it is, then that is what it is gonna be.

She is seen at red light areas now – in the same stupor, red-shot eyes and swaying in lilting dresses. People still use her. Use her body. At least, this time, she knows that that is what they want from her. At least, this time, they won’t take her heart and mangle it into a million bloody shreds. At least, they pay her now. She can always buy those drugs and keep herself high. Until her last breath. Bastards.

Built from: Heroine, Fashion and The Dirty Picture

Posted in #life, Chicken Soup for the Indian Bride's Soul, Food for Thought, God, lady, lessons, Tears, wisdom

This jinxed being called ‘GIRL’

It’s navratri – the nine days that we INDIANS celebrate to glorify the 9 forms of the Indian goddess Durga. Wake up, people… STOP worshipping female idols when you are so ruthlessly troubling the girl child. Wake up, people, for if you can not respect the women around you, what use is decorating the female idol with jewels and shiny clothes? Wake up, people, for if you can not protect your girl child, you have no right to worship the goddesses that represent the female form.

From here

When a girl is born, she is labelled jinxed. Even though they say, Lakshmi has come into the home, yet they do not treat her as Lakshmi… well, the girl does not say that you treat me like Goddess – all she says, is treat me like a human being – that’s all.

Why is it expected of girls to be sehensheel (strong, able to bear anything), patient and calm? No matter how many travails she passes through, nothing moves people – no suffering is great for a girl because she is expected to suffer. No pain is big for her because hundreds of girls and women around her are going through worse pain.

Whenever something bad happens to a girl, she is first taught to “adjust”. WHY? Why should she adjust? Does she have no rights to being happy? Does she have no rights to a PEACEFUL life? Does she have no dreams and should she not live a NORMAL life? WHY is she asked to adjust in derogatory surroundings where 90% of the day is filled up with suffering and 10% with a disturbed sleep? Where is she going wrong? What has she done to have been out through so much suffering?

From here

It is strange how people just dismiss the mental suffering that a girl goes through. The torture of MIL and SIL may not be visible on her body, yet the DIL is told, it is very common and it is nothing to worry about. Tell me, is it fair for any outsider to imagine what the girl is going through? Is it fair for anyone to judge the intensity of her suffering??? A needle might be very small pain, but if a needle keeps piercing at the same wound again and again and again, daily every night every hour, the wound turns into a big harmful painful suffering. Don’t people see that this is how it is?

Whenever a girl suffers and calls for help, the very first thing people around her do, is to make her understand that they themselves have gone through similar suffering, and what she is going through is NOTHING… WHAT as human beings, are we doing??? How is it fair to compare one girl’s suffering with another girl??? By denying her calls for help and by demeaning her problems, how do we expect to help? So I may have gone through similar pain – so should I want her to go through it too? Because I chose to, and I could deal with it, should I expect her to go through the same??? What is my guarantee that her pain is not greater than mine? What is my guarantee that she is stronger than I am? Am I being fair to her by pushing her to the edge, because I THINK what she is going through is nothing???

Am I not being an insensitive person when I negate her suffering and try to cover it up with useless words like it’s going to be fine.. it’s going to be okay??? HEY maybe I should use some common sense and see that things can be okay when the person giving the suffering is okay. Sadists and animals can not be okay – can not make a life okay. We are living in a world that is filled more with cheaters and sadists who can drop down to any levels to get away with their quirks and mean intentions. This is no place for an innocent girl to be. This is a big bad world where every other person is a WOLF waiting to pounce on a girl. This is a big bad world where LIES are made to be truth and where wolves walk in sheep’s clothing, to prey upon undoubting innocent people.

A man being angry is okay – because all men get angry. A man losing control is okay because all men do that. A man beating his wife is okay because it happens in most marriages?? WHY?

My questions are – How much suffering is “too much”? How much suffering should a girl put up with? How much pain is “unbearable”? How does a girl express her pain when it is not validated by physical marks? What are the benchmarks that the civilised world uses to validate mental torture?

Why doesn’t the world let a GIRL live? Just live?

This post is inspired by the following two posts I read at Shail’s and Ritu’s blogs:
http://shailsnest.com/2012/10/19/the-evil-mothers-in-law/
http://phoenixritu.com/dear-god-ji-i-want-to-be-born-a-woman-again/

Posted in #life, Flame of Peace, Food for Thought, happiness, lady, Relationships, romance, Verses n Rhymes, wisdom, wishes

The storm kept brewing

Hell!! A woman scorched…

Fury!! In those eyes, blood-shot

Despair!! The lost smile

Grief!! The shattering sound of trust

Dismay!! In denial

Tears!! Just don’t stop

Maddening!! That cocky smile

Disbelief!! Oh no, NOT again!!

Sighsss!! Giving up

Palms up!! Hands outstretched

Godd!! Call upon me

Life!! Not anymore

Memories!! GO away!

No!! This can’t be true.

God!! Not againnnnnnn

You can’t do this to me, no way.

Can we give the woman some independence please?

 

There is a small population of women who are fortunate to see a life that is not bound by umpteen ropes and shackles. But for the rest, life for her, is like this:

1. Superstitions that make her “do things” based on which, she will supposedly get a “good partner”.

2. Myths, and stigma that objectify her and strangulate her in robes because she is a commodity that should always be covered…

3. Strange customs that she is made to follow so that “other people” can live a comfortable life.

4. Patriarchs stopping her from getting her share of education because she is a woman – HER being itself being a crime.

5. Expectations that make her “bear” stuff because women are supposed to “bear” and “bear” and “not say a word.”

6. Submission to one and all, all and sundry.

7. Squash her dreams because she is not allowed to dream.

8. Always everyone else’s wishes before hers.

9. Her self-respect stays last.

and I can keep continuing…

But my only question is,

when will SHE be truly free?

Will she ever be allowed to take her own decisions, for her happiness?

Will she ever be asked, “What does your heart desire? Let us do that today.”

Will she ever be told, “For you. You want it that way. So be it.”

 

 

Posted in #life, Fantasy, God, happiness, lady, lessons, Love, love msgs, Paulo Coelho, Philosophy, Relationships, romance, Verses n Rhymes, wisdom

Diaries of the Hechicera: The love she knew and the love that grew

His face was not very clear

There was dream upon dream

She waited eternally for him to appear

But her dream was still a dream

“O! Please please come soon, dear

Come and take over my life

I want to see you, touch and hear!

The stories of your life and strife.”

She would beckon in her dream

To that hazy not-so-clear face

And imagine him standing close to her

Real close, like a miracle on a good day.

The love she finally knew

Was ugly and wild, for all that she grew

Her hopes, aspirations, all the anticipation,

Everything lost, evaporated like summer dew.

Little did she know that this was not to be

For there in time, waiting, was someone worthy

She knew not, the test of her lord,

She was being groomed to become adored

She imagined her life, disintegrating, bit by bit

Her fate was, in truth, being sealed in the right orbit.

As she moved and stumbled and cried,

She wondered where her inner peace lied

She kept wandering, her senses, askew

When she finally found her Guru.

Once that happened, the miracles showed

She realized, they were always there

She could not see them in tears of strife

But her life was being set so so right.

Her path her destiny took her to the love

The love she knew then, was a hallucination cove.

She thought she had seen it all

But the truth struck her with his arrival.

There he came, her Knight in shining armour

His arrival was so calm, absolutely a wonder

A messenger brought him to her, a sweet messenger

But once he was there, there was to be no other.

He came, bruised and battered, soul searching

Found solace in her suffering and healing.

She gave him what he missed, he gave her love

He gave her what she missed, she gave him trust.

Had their fates been sealed earlier? One does wonder.

But destinies can not be rewritten. Truth is stronger.

When the universe decides to give the love u knew

Is there anything else that you wish to do?

You start believing that it is a circle

Life falls into its destined oracle

Why do you think it was over then?

Because, it’s not over yet.

There was another story in the offing

And you had to free your self soon

The story had someone and you starring

So there had to be a big change

How would you welcome the Knight in your life

If the ugly part did not come to an end?

And so.. the story went

The Love she knew, was the love that grew

The love he wanted was the love she gave

And they lived, happily ever after.

And they lived, happily ever after.

Posted in #life, Fantasy, Fiction, Flame of Peace, Food for Thought, happiness, lady, lessons, Love, Tears, Time, Verses n Rhymes, wisdom

Blues and Blacks

I’ve tasted blue. I’ve also tasted black.
Life can’t be so mean.
The mirror manages to look so clean.
Who is that in the image that I see?
I am beyond recognition now.

Listless eyes staring back at my own image
And a thousand unanswered questions on a rampage
A lot of whys interspersed with screaming No’s
Who is to blame for life’s unfair gallows?
My reflection manages to swindle me
Because it no longer knows! “Who’s she?”

Slowly ever so steadily, she sees a silhouette behind her image
The face is unclear.. very very hazy, like someone’s hiding behind smoke.
But the figure has deep dark eyes, penetrating gaze…
From behind my image, I see those eyes

And slowly, my own reflection starts dwindling…
As if moving backward towards the smoky haze
Slowly, steadily, as time ticks on, second by micro second,
The image .. the me I see, is moving away.

And as the twain meet, in the mirror, another world,
the blues and blacks turn into a myriad of rainbow colours.
And I stand there, perplexed, confused, Who’s she??
Pat comes the answer from deep inside me, “It’s ME!!!”

Bliss!! Oh bliss, can it be true?
Blacks are not any more blue
What has changed? What happened?
Was it a raid? Was it a heist?

I’ve tasted blue. I’ve also tasted black.
No wonder what went wrong..
Did something go wrong?
Maybe the wrong suddenly went right.

Life can be very mean
But that’s only to teach you what is mean.
Darkness makes the light shine
And stars fall down right upon mine.