Posted in #life, And she was left only with shattered dreams, Betrayals, Challenges, Hechicera, How to take care of ur relationships, Human Rights, Just Like That from the Justice Lady, lessons, Let me breathe atleast now, Mirage in the Mist, Philosophy, wisdom

Right here, right now. Go. Leave. Reinvent.

You’re allowed to leave any story you don’t find yourself in. You’re allowed to leave any story you don’t love yourself in.

You’re allowed to leave a city that has dimmed your light instead of making you shine brighter, you’re allowed to pack all your bags and start over somewhere else and you’re allowed to redefine the meaning of your life.
You’re allowed to quit the job you hate even if the world tells you not to and you’re allowed to search for something that makes you look forward to tomorrow and to the rest of your life.

You’re allowed to leave someone you love if they’re treating you poorly, you’re allowed to put yourself first if you’re settling and you’re allowed to walk away when you’ve tried over and over again but nothing has changed.

You’re allowed to let toxic friends go, you’re allowed to surround yourself with love, and people who encourage and nurture you. You’re allowed to pick the kind of energy you need in your life.

You’re allowed to forgive yourself for your biggest and smallest mistakes and you’re allowed to be kind to yourself, you’re allowed to look in the mirror and actually like the person you see.

You’re allowed to set yourself free from your own expectations.

We sometimes look at leaving as a bad thing or associate it with giving up or quitting, but sometimes leaving is the best thing you can do for yourself.
Leaving allows you to change directions, to start over, to rediscover yourself and the world. Leaving sometimes saves you from staying stuck in the wrong place with the wrong people.

Leaving opens a new door for change, growth, opportunities and redemption.

You always have the choice to leave until you find where you belong and what makes you happy.

You’re even allowed to leave the old you behind and reinvent yourself.

Author: Rania Naim

Posted in Betrayals, Challenges, Food for Thought, Human Rights, Inevitable, Kalyug, lessons, questions, Uncategorized, unfair

Hope, where art thou?

The year gone by has been brutal to say the least. Doctors, nurses, healthcare workers are holding their forts bravely, counseling, leading, consulting, treating and guiding caregivers on their kith and kin. They have been through the entire cycle – from the point a concerned family member approaches them with the first symptom, to the point they have had to share the “news” that the patient is no more. Some are holding up, some lost hope and gave up on their lives, some are hanging on by the thinnest strand of hope, love, patience, whatever they can.

Life has given up a million times in this last one year.

Almost every one of us are, or were, a caregiver to someone during this period.

We have never ever felt more helpless, more powerless and more desperate than today. The sights of graveyards and cremation grounds on TV channels is nothing less than an apocalypse. The thought of so many people in grief – wrenches the heart in fear.

The apathy of those we entrusted our lives to;

The cold blooded, ruthless stare of the self-centered soul wreaks heavily of hands drenched in blood.

But that is not what comes to the mind when caregivers hear screams of their loved ones. Not the shrieks but the silent screams of helpless eyes searching, looking, knowing that something dreadful will happen. These screams, silent screams, if one were to translate, would have just one question – Why?

Why did we allow someone to gag us silent, to bully us into servitude, to convince us that suicide is the best route to salvation?

Why did we allow someone to convince us to hate our brothers, to choose a path that would lead us to devastation?

Why did we not see it coming, when human life was being squandered on the roads leaving blood red foot steps of those wanting to return home, but no one to hear their pleas.

Why did we not see it coming when lifeless men were erected to be worshipped as those who laid its foundation – alive, hungry, struggling, surviving, were ignored?

Why did we allow such huge eons to creep up between the affluent and the common, that the common had no other way except to embrace crime so the pangs would stop?

More questions – but maybe, one day, maybe we all will breathe free, talk free, express free and live free, without fear.

Maybe we all will breathe free, talk free, express free and live free, without fear.

Maybe one day, we all will remember how many of us donned angel wings and tried to help unknown souls, some successful, some not, some punished – but maybe one day, we will all remember what kept us sane is the little bit of humanity that we clung on to, for one another.

Posted in #life, lessons, Philosophy, Spirituality, wisdom

Information Please… Tears Alert

PLEASE take the time to read this!

The Black Telephone

Those of us old enough to remember when the phone was wired to the wall, usually in the kitchen, can relate to this story. I loved this read.

When I was a young boy, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.

Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was “Information Please” and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anyone’s number and the correct time.

My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy. I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway.

The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. “Information, please,” I said into the mouthpiece just above my head.

A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.

“Information.”

“I hurt my finger…” I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience.

“Isn’t your mother home?” came the question.

“Nobody’s home but me,” I blubbered.

“Are you bleeding?” the voice asked.

“No, “I replied. “I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts.”

“Can you open the icebox?” she asked.

I said I could.

“Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger,” said the voice.

After that, I called “Information Please” for everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math. She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.

Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called, “Information Please,” and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her,

“Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?”

She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly,

“Wayne, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in.”

Somehow I felt better.

Another day I was on the telephone,

“Information Please.”

“Information,” said in the now familiar voice.

“How do I spell fix?” I asked

All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston . I missed my friend very much.

“Information Please” belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me. Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.

A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle. I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, “Information Please.”

Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.

“Information.”

I hadn’t planned this, but I heard myself saying, “Could you please tell me how to spell fix?”

There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, “I guess your finger must have healed by now.”

I laughed, “So it’s really you,” I said. “I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?”

“I wonder,” she said, “if you know how much your calls meant to me. I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls.”

I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.

“Please do,” she said. “Just ask for Sally.”

Three months later I was back in Seattle. A different voice answered, “Information.” I asked for Sally.

“Are you a friend?” she said.

“Yes, a very old friend,” I answered.

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this,” She said. “Sally had been working part time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago.”

Before I could hang up, she said, “Wait a minute. Is your name Wayne?”

“Yes.” I answered.

Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you. The note said,

“Tell Wayne there are other worlds to sing in. He’ll know what I mean.”

I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.

Never underestimate the impression you may make on others.

Whose life have you touched today?

Posted in Cancer Survivor, Causes, Challenges, Human Rights, lessons, Uncategorized

My Detailed Review on Basavatarakam Indo American Cancer Institute, Hyderabad

Basavatarakam Indo American Hospital - Candid Review

2020 has been a tough year for the whole world and it has been, for me as well. Challenges, losses, big moves in life have happened.

One of the most difficult period of my life started when my father got diagnosed with throat cancer in August 2020. I was referred to Basavatarakam Indo American hospital in Hyderabad for his treatment and exactly as I had heard, the doctors here are the best in their domain – very dedicated and good experts in what they do.

My review here is for the entire experience I had during the course of my father’s treatment.

First things first, about cancer treatment, no one – no one tells you how difficult it is and how lengthy it is. Unless you are aware of the treatment and what it entails; you will never be prepared. It can take your peace away and test your patience to its brink. On one hand, you see the patient suffer excruciatingly; but on the other hand, what one goes through as a caregiver is another story altogether. And yes, finances – it can drain away everything that you have earned in your life. No, insurance does not help and is never enough. Plus, what happens with insurance is another story. Insurance industry runs on ambiguity of everything – ambiguity of disease, of medication, of hospital admissions, of every damn thing.

Doctors:

If you are looking for the best treatment for yourself or your near and dear ones, then the doctors at Indo American do fit the bill. If you know how to work around other challenges, then this is a good choice to make at least treatment wise. Rather, only treatment wise.

One note on Emergency Room doctors – they do not cut a great picture, neither of competence nor of accountability. One of the doctors actually LIED in the log book that he had requested us for admission and that I had refused it – while in reality, the cosulting doctor had clearly said that there was no medical reason for giving admission and that patient could be discharged. It sometimes, boils down to individual ethics and the moment to moment dynamics that happen at that point in time. I came to know that a statement like this one, made by doctors, could end up hampering your chances of getting insurance because the insurance folks treat it as interference in treatment from insured.

Nurses:

Unfortunately, I found most of the nurses in Indo American extremely callous and irresponsible. They shirk responsibility and keep passing the buck from one person to another.. when it comes to patient care. I also found them highly strung, anxious and at the end of their tether most of the time. They keep screaming at each other and at the ward boys – displaying displeasure about everything around them. They do make sure that the patient and their attender do not face their ire – but everything else is usually put under fire. One more strange thing I realised that the nurses here have zero compassion and are just discharging their duties out of force or majboori. It shows in their attitude, in the way they talk and in the way they behave. Also, as a caregiver, you have to be very VERY vigilant – lest they do not even give you your set of medical reports of the patient. Twice it so happened that the tests that were done when my father was admitted – the reports were filed only in their confidential copy of the file and only when I explicitly asked for the reports, they gave me the same copy and asked me to get zerox copies for THEIR file.

There is no provision for special needs of the patient. My father was on a completely liquid diet and nurses just would not look into it – blaming the canteen for no liquid food except soup, etc., and that too only at a particular time. So I had to arrange for his diet needs from outside and I struggled because I was so scared of infection. I specifically faced this challenge because Hyderabad is not my home town and I had shifted temporarily for my father’s treatment. So I neither had a kitchen nor the utensils to get him his food. My childhood friend’s family chipped in here and sent food for almost 10 days from Secunderabad – thank God for blessings like these.

For a hospital that depends on floating population and a good bunch of foreigners that come down here to get themselves treated for cancer, this was a basic thing that was missing. My intention is not to complain but make everyone aware of these challenges. I had to listen to my father’s cries of hunger – he would live on 3 absolutely watery soup glasses that were given to him morning, afternoon and night and 2 glasses of milk – all about 50 ml. It was the most painful thing for me. I was not allowed to meet him due to COVID and I expected that he would be taken care of – he wasn’t; not at least until he was in the COVID ward for 4 days. He lived on hunger. I suffered the pain of seeing him in pain and starvation.

Once his tests were out and he was declared completely COVID negative, he was shifted to a regular room – and after that it was slightly better journey. He had to get a tracheostomy done for ease in breathing and a PEG tube so he could be fed via stomach. What one goes through with tracheostomy is another story – which I will dedicate a separate blog on – but for now, let us just say, here’s where the nurses lacked compassion.

Ward Boys:

It’s all about money. They help you with a wheel chair, they expect money – no no, they blatantly ASK for it. They help dad with his sponge bath, they ask for money. They change the sheets – they want money. It was crazy. I was foolishly handing out 100 rs everytime to them – and then one day, I realised, how do others manage? The realisation came when one ward boy asked for money after giving my father his sponge bath and when I handed him a note, he felt it was too less and high-handedly said, keep it with yourseldf.

Because 6 weeks of treatment and if I am handing out let’s say an average of 200 per day to the ward boys for doing what they are being paid to do, in addition to the treatment costs, I end up paying a good Rs. 8400. I realised this is loot.

Counseling:

What I found the worst of the entire experience was that there was no counselling for the patient or the caregivers – we had no clue what to expect and we just kept guessing, taking each day as it comes. I ask TOO many questions – so I managed to try and understand what was going on, what treatment was being given and how to deal with the tracheostomy, what to expect, etc. But overall, it’s a blind game. You go through it to know it and see it. There is no other way. If you know about the treatment or have read about it, you might know what to expect but otherwise, you have to make peace with piece by piece of difficult realisations – 1) That the treatment will take a minimum of 6 weeks 2) That even after this, there is another 6 weeks of recovery period and that you will not know how effective the treatment was until after the recovery period. 3) That the entire expense will be draining you way more than you expect – so if you expect the treatment to be about 5 lakhs, in reality you will be spending 2x of that. And insurance will pay a pithy amount and tell you that your sub limit has expired.

Waiting Times:

The most difficult part of cancer treatment is to see your life getting wasted away waiting for doctors, nurses, medicines, lines, queues, one cabin, another cabin, and then days pass by listlessly. If you are a caregiver and have a job, expect issues – because there is hardly any awareness around cancer treatments and so, compassion is not easily obtained. My experience has been different in this case, by God’s grace because my MD has seen cancer treatment in his family and hence, he was the most compassionate in all this. Not everyone is that lucky and there is a dire need to fill the gap about cancer treatment awareness for everyone’s benefit.

Final Words:

All said and done, I am thoroughly grateful to everyone, no matter what, for being part of this journey and I have had friends and family comeing together to support me through this. The struggle is not over yet but I am hopeful that it soon will end and I will see my father hale, hearty and smiling with ease at home.

Posted in And she was left only with shattered dreams, Betrayals, hindi, lessons, Love, Relationships, romance, Uncategorized

प्यार नही था तो बोल देते

One of the most heart-wrenching words I have come across in recent times.. Perhaps, a popular actor who recently left the world would have these in his mind.. for sure.

❤AAISHA ❤ GOUR❤

*प्यार नही था मुझसे तो एक बार बोल देते मुझे तुम,,,,,,

*यू सरे आम बदनाम तो ना करते फिरते मुझे तुम,,,,,,,,

* पहले ही बोला था दिल के साथ मेरे कभी खेलना नही तुम,,,,,,,

*प्यार नही होगा जिस दिन मुझसे तुम्हे ,,,,,,,

*बता ही देना उस दिन मुझे तुम,,,,,,

*यू सरे आम बदनाम तो ना करना मुझे तुम,,,,

*प्यार नही था मुझसे तो एक बोल देते मुझे तुम,,,,,

*यू सरे आम बदनाम तो ना करते मुझे तुम,,,,

*यू दिल तोड़ते ना मेरा तुम,,,,,

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Posted in And she was left only with shattered dreams, Betrayals, lessons, Love, questions, Relationships, Togetherness, Verses n Rhymes

Meri awaaz suno

Sab saath hain phir bhi akeli hoon

Meri awaaz suno, main tumko pukaar rahi hoon

Tu saat toh hai par kahan hai

Meri awaaz suno, main pukaar rahi hoon

Mujhe aise mat kar tabaah,

Main mom ki gudiya jaisi hoon

Na jala mujhe main pighal kar tabaah ho rahi hoon

Meri awaaz suno, main tumko pukaar rahi hoon

Na kar woh jo sabne kiya hai mere saath

Main bikhar kar toot rahi hoon

Meri awaaz suno, main tumko pukaar rahi hoon

Meri aansuon pe khada kiya hai avyay ko tumne

Kahan tak jayega yeh main dekh rahi hoon

Meri awaaz suno, main tumko pukaar rahi hoon

Sapne dikhakar tod rahe ho, yeh jaan lena

Har aansu ka hai hisaaab yeh jaan lena

Meri awaaz suno, main tumko pukaar rahi hoon

In aansuon ko rok lo, teri tabaahi dekh rahi hoon

Meri awaaz suno, main tumko pukaar rahi hoon

Meri awaaz suno, main tumko pukaar rahi hoon

Posted in A Success Story, An Angel for a guardian angel, Challenges, Food for Thought, How to take care of ur relationships, Human Rights, lessons, Let me breathe atleast now, Relationships, Uncategorized, wisdom

You are allowed to (By Rania Naim)

girl underwater dream 1280 by 720

Attributed to Rania Naim, author and poet. Originally published here.

You’re allowed to leave any story you don’t find yourself in.

You’re allowed to leave any story you don’t love yourself in.

You’re allowed to leave a city that has dimmed your light instead of making you shine brighter.

You’re allowed to pack all your bags and start over somewhere else and you’re allowed to redefine the meaning of your life.

You’re allowed to quit the job you hate even if the world tells you not to and you’re allowed to search for something that makes you look forward to tomorrow and to the rest of your life.

You’re allowed to leave someone you love if they’re treating you poorly.

You’re allowed to put yourself first if you’re settling and you’re allowed to walk away when you’ve tried over and over again but nothing has changed.

You’re allowed to let toxic friends go, you’re allowed to surround yourself with love, and people who encourage and nurture you.

You’re allowed to pick the kind of energy you need in your life.

You’re allowed to forgive yourself for your biggest and smallest mistakes and you’re allowed to be kind to yourself, you’re allowed to look in the mirror and actually like the person you see.

You’re allowed to set yourself free from your own expectations.

We sometimes look at leaving as a bad thing or associate it with giving up or quitting, but sometimes leaving is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Leaving allows you to change directions, to start over, to rediscover yourself and the world. Leaving sometimes saves you from staying stuck in the wrong place with the wrong people. Leaving opens a new door for change, growth, opportunities and redemption.

You always have the choice to leave until you find where you belong and what makes you happy.

You’re even allowed to leave the old you behind and reinvent yourself.

Read more of Rania Naim’s touching words here.

Posted in #introvert, #life, A walk into the woods, And she was left only with shattered dreams, Betrayals, Challenges, Dreamy, Fantasy, Hechicera, I see eyes that are cold, lessons, Mirage in the Mist, Relationships, romance, Togetherness, Verses n Rhymes

When the light becomes ‘blinding’

Ray of Light 2Ray of Light

 

A ray of light, they say, is a real hope giver

When in darkness, they say, look for the ray of light

It’s within you, they say, the light’s within you

A single ray of light is enough, they say, just one

When darkness doesn’t perish years of loneliness

The desire to experience one tight hug, just one

The longing to be the one for someone,

That one kiss, that one touch, a caress of passion

And suddenly, there is so much of light,

So much happiness that you feel it’s untrue

But you are so blinded, so blinded by that light

That you couldn’t see the cliff in front of you

It came, the fall that was inevitable

From darkness straight into blinding light

Even the dead see a beautiful shining light, I have heard

Even the dead, even the dead.

 

 

 

 

Posted in #life, Book Review, Food for Thought, lessons, Spirituality, Uncategorized, wisdom

The Laws of the Spirit World – In Summary (Khorshed Bhavnagri)

The first part of the book is a teaching style in which Khorshed Bhavnagri’s sons share with us how they died, how they went to the spirit world, and all the learnings that they received there. Written in a dialogue format, the two sons who passed away share their experiences of meeting the High Good Souls, and the reasons for communicating with human beings on earth – including their parents.  The book is written by their mother Khorshed Bhavnagri who supposedly received the teachings from her sons via automatic writing. Here’s a quick recount on what they have shared:

  1. The spirit world has 7 realms, and each realm has 10 (counted from 0 to 9) stages. Each stage becomes better as it goes up. Realm 1 is supposed to be the closest to the earth and the darkest realm.
  2. Realms 1 to 3 are the lower dark realms with no hint of light / day. They are known as what we call Hell. Realm 4 is the in-between realm, akin to the earth; where there are both night and day. Here’s where the human soul is born and carries out its deeds / karmas, thus, paving its way to either go back to the lower realms or ascend up to the realms 4 and above. Realms 5, 6 and 7 make up Heaven, the most beautiful being the 7th plane.
  3. The concept of time in the lower and higher planes is different than that of Earth. Times moves very slowly in these planes.
  4. Every soul’s goal should be improvement over self (or self improvement) so that it can become better and better until it becomes the perfect being – one that can reach God.
  5. In the spirit world, souls become younger as they grow wise with enlightenment and learning.
  6. High Good Souls are souls that are the rulers of each realm. They permit souls to travel from one realm to another.
  7. Some people like to help everyone but helping evil people is wrong as you become party to the evil actions committed by such people. So, one must be very careful while helping others.
  8. While earth has all kinds of souls living together, spirit world segregates souls by keeping them separate in separate realms; good souls are on a different realm together and bad souls on another; and evil souls on yet another.
  9. Bad souls can be helped, if they repent – not to anyone else but to themselves. Repent with true intent.
  10. Motive is everything – what’s your motive behind your charity, your actions such as visiting temples, helping others? Are you feeding your ego?
  11. Bad souls stay together and continue to harm each other as is their nature. But the only way out of this misery of lower levels is to seek genuine repentance and a true call for help. The minute a bad soul is ready to repent, good souls from the higher planes come down to help the soul on its journey of enlightenment.
  12. What you sow, so shall you reap is true; however, the reaping happens because of one’s own subconscious mind which knows the sins it has committed – and not by God as is believed by many.
  13. God wants each soul that is living on earth to help others facing difficulties – and more than that, to help evil people back on the righteous path.
  14. Purpose of rebirth of a soul is three-fold:
    1. To protect & help loved ones
    2. To finish karmas left over from previous lives – purifying the soul so that it can rise to a higher level (planes / realms)
    3. To progress spiritually by taking part in its spiritual mission
  15. It’s a myth that departed souls should not be contacted. In fact, departed souls are always looking after their loved ones, and they keep trying to communicate with the loved ones to guide them through their journey in life on Earth, to help them understand friends from foes and to ease their pain. Departed souls who were very closely and deeply connected with their loved ones when alive, tend to get affected by their emotions in the spirit world as well. That’s why they wish to ease their pain on earth.
  16. If one has the ability or skill to communicate with departed souls, it is a great thing and it should be developed to help others. Good spirit world beings are always on lookout for people on earth who can communicate with them so that they can pass on messages to their loved ones.
  17. Most souls on earth have taken rebirth 100 to 2000 (two thousand) times, and many of them have been on the lower realms.
  18. It is true that evil souls could possess physical mind – but it is also true that this happens if and only if you yourself are innately evil. If you are a good person and try to communicate with good spirits, you will receive helpful messages from them.
  19. It is advised that one must never attempt automatic writing on their own without a protective link from an experienced and already-linked person. It could turn dangerous as evil spirits could be attracted.

Part 2 of the book unfolds as a series of questions and answers. Most of these are probably questions that many of us would have thought about at least once in our lives.. such as

  • Why do we suffer so much in spite of leading a good life?
  • Why should we pay for something that we did in some other life and we don’t even remember it now?
  • and the like

All in all, the book is definitely convincing and I wouldn’t say I don’t believe in it; however, there are still persisting questions in my head that remain unanswered.

If you would like to explore it yourself, here’s the link:

Screenshot 2019-09-26 at 11.55.19