Turning back

She found his sister-in-law walking down the street opposite to her house. It had been 8 years since she had seen any of his family members. Debating whether to avoid or not, she found her approaching. In her heart, she missed the friendship she had shared with his sister. It was an easy-going friendship, one that was without judgement. She called her ‘didi’, and not ‘bhabhi’. She did not want to bring the ‘weight’ of a bhabhi-wala relation into the simple sisterly friendship.

As didi approached, she hugged her, reminiscing the days gone by. Didi took her to her house, where there were a lot of people buzzing around, maybe for a wedding that was planned in the house. She felt amiss. Didi took her to a room and asked her to wait. On the other side of the room, she felt a presence. Ma. She jumped in surprise, went ahead and hugged ma too. Touched feet. Ma was distanced and detached. She handed me a letter. A handwritten letter.

She just took and just gave it a listless glance. No expression. When she went to her room, she found him there. She had forgiven him and had no weight in her heart. So, she greeted him politely.  Apparently, they all wanted him and her to get back together. She thought in her heart, that it was a foolish wishful want. She debated whether to cut this conversation short or see what he had to say. Curiosity took over and she took a seat 5 feet away from him. They spoke about inconsequential things. Then his intention was to move on to personal chat, but she sensed it and cut him short. She wanted to leave, but he got angry. All she said was, “You are still the same. Lower your temper.”

And she went to her parents to tell them to go and ask that family to move on. What did she achieve from that conversation? Not sure, maybe she had the satisfaction of knowing that it was the right thing to do, to walk out. Rather, to accept that he walked out. That a piece of paper with two signatures mean nothing when someone does not want to nurture a relationship. And of course, vice versa.

She thought of the man she now had in her life. Dynamic, mature and extremely loving. She thanked her stars. A small smile escaped her lips.

Track 2:

In her words:

The wedding atmosphere suddenly turned into tension filled melee. She was puzzled. Then people came running and shouting that the groom has halted the wedding celebrations because he wanted 10 lakhs immediately. The bride’s parents tried to ask our parents to arrange for the money. And fools that they are, they way they chose that man for me, they scrambled around, arranging for it.

I asked them to stop the madness. Just. Stop. It.

How dare that girl not stop this by taking a stand?? This for God’s sake is the 21st century. Educated people do NOT blackmail the bride’s family for money on the altar of marriage. What stops her from walking out? Is it okay to see her parents begging others for money? Is it okay to see the elderly couple scrambling around, and losing their wits on something as inconsequential as “buying a groom for their daughter”????

Track 3:

She wakes up with a jolt, angry and upset. Why after so many years, did she see this dream? Perhaps somewhere in her psyche, she expected him to come and apologize to her. And perhaps, somewhere in her psyche, she wants all those girls to stand up for their parents, who feel they are a victim of the society’s demands for sending a daughter with loads of materialistic things, with or without demand.

Track 4:

She thought of her parents who had the strength that ONLY true love could give, to support and in fact, help her in the brave decision she took so many years ago. She smiled as she saw the way her father’s head held high, when she told him of the salary hike she recently got. He is one proud father – he has seen her move from being a meek domestic girl to a confident corporate lady.

She immediately picked up her phone, and dialled Papa.

Smiling Female Business Leader With Arms Crossed

LinkedIn Policing

One of the ladies on LinkedIn, Suman Agarwal posted the following question:

Should a woman stay in an abusive marriage for her kids or move out for her kids?

It’s obvious that the question would invite a barrage of debatable comments. But I do not want to talk here about the answer to that question right now. We will come to that later. What shocked me is the number of people who started commenting on whether LinkedIn is the right forum for this question.

Some even advised Suman to post it on Facebook.

Some such high headed commentors included women – sadly.

Here are some classic comments and replies to them from level-headed people:

**Advance Warning: I have collated about 50 comments from 500 – worked hard on it. Go ahead only of you have the patience to read them. You can scroll down though, but won’t comprehend why I am so cross.

40

Can’t even talk English. But saving family is lady’s responsibility, even if she is abused.

39

Spend more time with the husband so that he can abuse her more. Mr srinivaas makes perfect sense.

And Ms Swetha Kala – wants to try and change the man, cater to his needs, understand… and what not, ridiculous!!!

38

We all are fools. Mr Tyagi has an IQ of Marilyn vos Savant.

36

Society is perfectly normal when it accepts man abusing woman. But raising a voice is misleading a society. Wow.

35

34

How spiritual!!

33

32

31

I want to go to the garden of Eden!!!

30

292827

ahem ahem, best poetry award!!

2625242322212019181716151413b13a121110987654321

 

People can not have the compassion to offer their view but have the galls to waste their precious time writing “Post in another forum”.

And, trust me, it made me livid. Such an important issue – every forum counts, every supporting comment, every possible solution counts!!! Sadly, people like this lady love posting such comments, diverting attention from an important issue to the relevance of the platform. Hello? Why are YOU commenting on that post if it’s not supposed to be on LinkedIn???

Instead of contributing value to the debate, they sit on their high chairs and JUDGE.

Too many rants these days, but the Justice Lady just can’t take it!!!

Why do people not let women be, not let them take their decisions, not let them flourish by themselves without raising fingers?

 

In a moment of time

You meet a stranger,

He’s no more a stranger – in a moment of time

You form an impression,

Your past experience prompts that impression – in a moment of  time

You expect all to be good

That’s because you see all as you are – in a moment of time

Life is created with a union, in a moment of time.

Life ends – in a moment of time

Why then, can’t we forgive?

Why then, do we hold grudges for eternity?

 

Tears equal helplessness

Why do you cry so much? She asked

I don’t know.

But there must be a reason, right? She persisted.

Do you cry when you are sad?

Yes

Do you cry when you are hurt?

Yes

Do you cry when you are angry?

Yes, i think yes.

OK. Crying is a sign of helplessness. Are you helpless?

No answer

Are you helpless?

No.

Do you think you are so helpless that you can not take action? What could you have done differently, instead of crying?

I have no idea. I just felt so hurt, so dejected that the tears flowed. It was so unfair. It just wasn’t how things are done.

OK. So you felt hurt. But were you helpless? You could have addressed it head on. Right? Maybe you were scared that there would be a confrontation. Maybe you thought you would be blamed of something. Maybe… and there are a hundreds of maybes that I can give you.

End of the day, were you helpless? No. Could you have chosen another way? Yes.

So, next time, before you allow those tears to encroach upon your cheeks, ask yourself, “Am I helpless?” And if the answer is no, just act upon the reason of “No”. 

Female support

She sold herself

“Aseen sajna tuti yaari da, ajj tak afsos manaunde rahe…
Tusee heera gawa ke khush phirde, asee pathran laay pachtaunde rahe”

I am nursing my broken heart, and still mourning for it till date,
You are happy losing a diamond, I am still regretting the loss of a pebble.


She was hurled out the car by the man she loved. She was drunk, drugged and high. Wandering on the streets aimlessly in the dark of the night, she sized up her past two relationships. They were more physical than emotional. Emotional at her end, but the men, only wanted her body. She couldn’t see it. Everyone tried to show her the truth. She defied.

She did not want to believe them, because she believed him. He wouldn’t commit. Yet, she believed him. There were red lights every time they spoke about marriage. Yet, she believed him. He would avoid talking about ‘us’. She had never been in any of his future plans. Yet, she believed him.

Today, when he unceremoniously hurled her out of his car, bang on the highway, in a state of stupor, her eyes suddenly saw what everyone was trying to show her. It was her body he had wanted all along. It was only sex. No love. She was dazed at the realization. All alone.

Passersby look at her – wierdo. She is talking to herself.

I am a commodity. You never loved me. I am only a commodity. How dare you do this to me. You knew HE had used me too, before you. Yet, you did the same thing to me. Nobody sees the heart that beats inside a woman’s body. A woman is only the sum total of her physical assets. You know what? So be it. If that is what it is, then that is what it is gonna be.

She is seen at red light areas now – in the same stupor, red-shot eyes and swaying in lilting dresses. People still use her. Use her body. At least, this time, she knows that that is what they want from her. At least, this time, they won’t take her heart and mangle it into a million bloody shreds. At least, they pay her now. She can always buy those drugs and keep herself high. Until her last breath. Bastards.

Built from: Heroine, Fashion and The Dirty Picture

Taking a stand – a firm one

Respect comes when earned. Something that is given away freely has no value. We all are like that – human tendency, to hoard anything and everything, moreso, when it costs nothing applies to both materialistic things as well as non-monetary elements such as respect. But then, what is respect when not earned? A free perk. Which nullifies it to zero value.

One may behave in the rudest possible way and treat everyone like crap – but fact remains that respect that is being received through induced fear and coercing, will not stay for long, and is not of much use either. Office grapevine, community gossips, and friendly encounters will all offer opportunities where a person’s respect is challenged and often brutally murdered. That is the time when what you have stood for in life, speaks for you and ensures that there are people who vouch for you while others pull you down. It’s a circle and comes full swing. (Not that it should bother you by any way, for someone who thinks too much of ‘what others think of me’ will only always do what others expect him to do, and not what he thinks is right.)

And then comes self-respect. Unless you have some, do not expect anyone else to respect you. Without self-respect, there is no respect. Someone told me yesterday, “You are strong in actions, but weak in words.” Struck me heavily. I try to be strong. But my words fail me, because I perhaps do a big deal about weakness. I am strong but I perceive myself to be weak.

And then the signs. God is speaking to you everyday. In novel ways. Paulo Coelho says, “Read the signs. They are everywhere.”

I lost an expensive pair of my spectacles yesterday. They are expensive – gifted by a good friend. It was right there where we started looking for, but we went looking for it everywhere. Finally, I found it exactly where I had discovered that I had lost it. But then, this turned out to be a sign. Because while I ventured out searching for it, I exclaimed, “I usually find the things I lose. There is something inside me, that is so strong that I eventually find what I lose.” And then it struck to me. I am strong. It is me. It has to be me. God has gifted me the ability and the strength. I need to believe in it. I am not giving up. Too many people depend on me.

I am looking for a solution everywhere – running helter skelter, but maybe just maybe, the solution is right there, in front of my eyes, and I am missing it. Maybe God wants to tell me that it is right there inside me.. and I will have to come back to square one, to receive salvation. Like I went everywhere searching for my lost specs, only to find it at the place where I said, “Where are my spec? I lost them!” – just like that, maybe it is what applies to my life too.. where in I have been knocking doors from pillar to post, and yet, I am still searching. The realisation is big. It happened yesterday. I am trying to read the signs. And I believe. I b.e.l.i.e.v.e. Period.