Diaries of a Hechicera: Meet me ;-)

Hechicera means Enchantress – one who can put a spell on you with her qualities.

Today, Hechicera reveals herself.
She is the girl next door , the girl of your dreams, the lady in your fantasies.

She is a dreamer, a compulsive dreamer. She is inside you – the person who has always wished for the moon and the stars. She lives in her own world, she has her own language, she sings her own songs…

She has nothing to do with the big bad world. In her little world, there is only love, affection, kindness and gentleness. She does not want to leave her world. She wants to stay there forever. She wants her friends and her love to join her in her world. She wants to keep them away from the big bad world.

Call her Maya. She is Maya – the lady who danced in green fields in the white dress.. her dupatta flowing with the winds… her arms dancing to the enchanting tune… she is your imagination.

She is on a journey towards the Unknown. But she has faith that the Unknown will be where her heart is. She is constantly searching for the elusive someone. She is searching for her heart. She thinks the destination will be the start of another journey. If you follow her, she will crumble away into nothingness. If you try to touch her,she will melt away. If you want her, you can never have her. If you already have her, you can never lose her. She – is Hechicera.

Here’s my question to you, my lovely readers.

Who is YOUR Hechicera? Why is she your Hechicera?

Let us see you answer this one. I would like to know who Maya is for all of you out there reading this fantasy story.

The sky as it is in a fantasy – but this is reality

* Repost for my all-new audience, do check out the comments before each picture. 🙂

In one of my recent trips, I took these pictures again.. yes sky pictures.. somehow, these can never cease to bore me. I am so so sooo fascinated by the sky, especially when I am travelling.

These pictures have come out exceptional, especially the one which has the sun’s rays .. looks divine.

Do let me know if you all think so too. 🙂

Wanna play stepping stones? Notice the rays of the sun on the top left corner?

Emotion: Calm

Annndd.. the plane tilted. 🙂

Emotion: Amusing

Doesn’t this look divine? Like the sun has just opened its armssss wideee.. !!

Emotion: Conflict

A Secret Kingdom lies beyond …

Emotion: Peace

Sky or Ocean Waves??? SKYY definitely!!! Yes, really!!

Emotion: Torment, kashmakash

Note to self…

An almost burnt-down lit candle on a candle ho...

SPENT… (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Get up, dust yourself and move on.

Two years back, I requested my masi to read out a vachan from the Guru Granth Sahib that she has at her home.

That post was titled “Saying Goodbye“. The time I wrote that post was also one of the most turbulent times I had gone through and I believed that the worst was over.

Quoting myself from that post,

Why is this post titled ‘Saying Goodbye?’ I am saying Goodbye to my old self.
Welcome change! I accept you with open arms. God is there with me.

I can share His plans with you. In hindsight, this is the vachan He gave me:

“Raam naam man deep dhar, jeeyan dehri dwaar.
Tulsi bheetar bahar, Je chahyes ujiyaar
Raam naam ur ur mein gahiyo, jaake sam nahin koye
Jeeya Simrat sankat mite darsh tuharo hoye.”

Meaning: “Be the candle at the doorstep of your home, that spreads light inside your home and into the world outside.”

THAT was meant to be my role. I shared with my mentor, that I took a very big decision in my life after this vachan. My Godfather my mentor and someone who I love deeply told me very sweetly, that my dear, it is so very clear that your role was to be the candle in someone’s life for a while. While you were doing that, you were also lighting your own self. But my dear, please remember that the candle has to burn itself out one day. It melts down to nothing and then, its role is over.

You have been that candle in someone’s life – perhaps in many lives that you believe benefitted by your being in some way. Your role is over. Pick up the pieces and move on, for you are made for better things in life. Your role as a candle was a part of your true calling. Keep working on it.

And his wife says, Punam, what is yours will never go. If it did, it was never yours.

To my mentor: I enjoyed being that candle. Although it burned me out, I shall cherish the pain too. I am not afraid of lighting myself all over again.

I leave you all with these pictures….  and a final thought:

People change, memories don’t. People can only add to you. Nothing is ever lost.

Dedicated to my mentors who have me wrapped in angel wings: Sampath ji and Beena ji

Dedicated to my mentors who have me wrapped in angel wings: Sampath ji and Beena ji

Love yourself. Period. Everything else will fall in place.

Love yourself. Period. Everything else will fall in place.

She sold herself

“Aseen sajna tuti yaari da, ajj tak afsos manaunde rahe…
Tusee heera gawa ke khush phirde, asee pathran laay pachtaunde rahe”

I am nursing my broken heart, and still mourning for it till date,
You are happy losing a diamond, I am still regretting the loss of a pebble.


She was hurled out the car by the man she loved. She was drunk, drugged and high. Wandering on the streets aimlessly in the dark of the night, she sized up her past two relationships. They were more physical than emotional. Emotional at her end, but the men, only wanted her body. She couldn’t see it. Everyone tried to show her the truth. She defied.

She did not want to believe them, because she believed him. He wouldn’t commit. Yet, she believed him. There were red lights every time they spoke about marriage. Yet, she believed him. He would avoid talking about ‘us’. She had never been in any of his future plans. Yet, she believed him.

Today, when he unceremoniously hurled her out of his car, bang on the highway, in a state of stupor, her eyes suddenly saw what everyone was trying to show her. It was her body he had wanted all along. It was only sex. No love. She was dazed at the realization. All alone.

Passersby look at her – wierdo. She is talking to herself.

I am a commodity. You never loved me. I am only a commodity. How dare you do this to me. You knew HE had used me too, before you. Yet, you did the same thing to me. Nobody sees the heart that beats inside a woman’s body. A woman is only the sum total of her physical assets. You know what? So be it. If that is what it is, then that is what it is gonna be.

She is seen at red light areas now – in the same stupor, red-shot eyes and swaying in lilting dresses. People still use her. Use her body. At least, this time, she knows that that is what they want from her. At least, this time, they won’t take her heart and mangle it into a million bloody shreds. At least, they pay her now. She can always buy those drugs and keep herself high. Until her last breath. Bastards.

Built from: Heroine, Fashion and The Dirty Picture

The thirteenth floor

“I can’t believe you have brought me to streets like these!!!”

“I just can’t believe this!! Aaahh, look at the muck – the street can hardly fit one car.” And half of it is filled up with garbage. She regretted having called the local guy to ask for electronic stores. Who knew this street would turn out to be a nightmare.

The cheek of this man with her – the street was so narrow, that they had to CLIMB platforms to cross hurdles.. and he did not even offer a hand! As if she did Spider Man stunts day in and day out…The cheek!!

“I can’t believe you are so fussy!” He said. “I am the one who doesn’t live here.. I have no problems. You are just being too fussy. see? This is why I bought such big boots. BTW I need another pair of those.” A cocky smile.

She raises her eyes in desperation! Men and their big boots. Hmmph!

“You better treat me to a good lunch after all this, I tell you.”

As they approach the Thirteenth Floor, he tells her how he had visited this restaurant with another friend and that it was a good place. She was just hungry. She didn’t care which floor it was, as long as they had food to eat. And well, the restaurant actually was on the thirteenth floor and was named so. Not bad.. they entered and he pointed towards the balcony where there were tables set up in open air.. under the skies..

Ahh.. now she smiles. She likes it. She likes this. 13th floor. What a view – they took a table near the parapet. The metro was visible below. She had never sat in the metro. She hadn’t bothered to figure out how to do that. Who cares.

She looked at the man who sat before her. His grey kurta looked royal on his broad shoulders. He had a smile on his face. A scrumptious lunch ensued, with little moments of love. She looked at him and wondered again. There were undercurrents between them, of uncertainty and tension. Both of them had their own battles to fight, but were scrambling for some moments of peace together. She thought, I can not live without him.

Of course she didn’t say that to him. They had a mutual understanding of avoiding the impending serious issues. Instead, she said, “Thanks for this wonderful lunch. It is as romantic as I would have wanted it to be. I love you.” This day would remain with her until the last day of her life. For some, these little joys are everyday affairs, but for some like her, they are like diamonds. You can’t have them again and again. Maybe only once. That’s all you can do before getting broke.

As they got up to leave, he wanted to click a few pictures of the view from the 13th floor. But of course, women – he knew she would protest if she wasn’t made a part of those pictures. So he cleverly and smartly takes one picture of hers, and then gets busy with click click click, capturing the metro below and some good cityscapes. Of course she sees through the ruse. She does protest a bit. But she is still reeling under the beauty of the lunch – the quiet togetherness, the romantic climate, the view, the entire feel of those two hours.

As the lift traversed to the ground floor, she told him, ‘Don’t ever leave me and go away.”

All he said was, “Haanji.”

Taking a stand – a firm one

Respect comes when earned. Something that is given away freely has no value. We all are like that – human tendency, to hoard anything and everything, moreso, when it costs nothing applies to both materialistic things as well as non-monetary elements such as respect. But then, what is respect when not earned? A free perk. Which nullifies it to zero value.

One may behave in the rudest possible way and treat everyone like crap – but fact remains that respect that is being received through induced fear and coercing, will not stay for long, and is not of much use either. Office grapevine, community gossips, and friendly encounters will all offer opportunities where a person’s respect is challenged and often brutally murdered. That is the time when what you have stood for in life, speaks for you and ensures that there are people who vouch for you while others pull you down. It’s a circle and comes full swing. (Not that it should bother you by any way, for someone who thinks too much of ‘what others think of me’ will only always do what others expect him to do, and not what he thinks is right.)

And then comes self-respect. Unless you have some, do not expect anyone else to respect you. Without self-respect, there is no respect. Someone told me yesterday, “You are strong in actions, but weak in words.” Struck me heavily. I try to be strong. But my words fail me, because I perhaps do a big deal about weakness. I am strong but I perceive myself to be weak.

And then the signs. God is speaking to you everyday. In novel ways. Paulo Coelho says, “Read the signs. They are everywhere.”

I lost an expensive pair of my spectacles yesterday. They are expensive – gifted by a good friend. It was right there where we started looking for, but we went looking for it everywhere. Finally, I found it exactly where I had discovered that I had lost it. But then, this turned out to be a sign. Because while I ventured out searching for it, I exclaimed, “I usually find the things I lose. There is something inside me, that is so strong that I eventually find what I lose.” And then it struck to me. I am strong. It is me. It has to be me. God has gifted me the ability and the strength. I need to believe in it. I am not giving up. Too many people depend on me.

I am looking for a solution everywhere – running helter skelter, but maybe just maybe, the solution is right there, in front of my eyes, and I am missing it. Maybe God wants to tell me that it is right there inside me.. and I will have to come back to square one, to receive salvation. Like I went everywhere searching for my lost specs, only to find it at the place where I said, “Where are my spec? I lost them!” – just like that, maybe it is what applies to my life too.. where in I have been knocking doors from pillar to post, and yet, I am still searching. The realisation is big. It happened yesterday. I am trying to read the signs. And I believe. I b.e.l.i.e.v.e. Period.

This jinxed being called ‘GIRL’

It’s navratri – the nine days that we INDIANS celebrate to glorify the 9 forms of the Indian goddess Durga. Wake up, people… STOP worshipping female idols when you are so ruthlessly troubling the girl child. Wake up, people, for if you can not respect the women around you, what use is decorating the female idol with jewels and shiny clothes? Wake up, people, for if you can not protect your girl child, you have no right to worship the goddesses that represent the female form.

From here

When a girl is born, she is labelled jinxed. Even though they say, Lakshmi has come into the home, yet they do not treat her as Lakshmi… well, the girl does not say that you treat me like Goddess – all she says, is treat me like a human being – that’s all.

Why is it expected of girls to be sehensheel (strong, able to bear anything), patient and calm? No matter how many travails she passes through, nothing moves people – no suffering is great for a girl because she is expected to suffer. No pain is big for her because hundreds of girls and women around her are going through worse pain.

Whenever something bad happens to a girl, she is first taught to “adjust”. WHY? Why should she adjust? Does she have no rights to being happy? Does she have no rights to a PEACEFUL life? Does she have no dreams and should she not live a NORMAL life? WHY is she asked to adjust in derogatory surroundings where 90% of the day is filled up with suffering and 10% with a disturbed sleep? Where is she going wrong? What has she done to have been out through so much suffering?

From here

It is strange how people just dismiss the mental suffering that a girl goes through. The torture of MIL and SIL may not be visible on her body, yet the DIL is told, it is very common and it is nothing to worry about. Tell me, is it fair for any outsider to imagine what the girl is going through? Is it fair for anyone to judge the intensity of her suffering??? A needle might be very small pain, but if a needle keeps piercing at the same wound again and again and again, daily every night every hour, the wound turns into a big harmful painful suffering. Don’t people see that this is how it is?

Whenever a girl suffers and calls for help, the very first thing people around her do, is to make her understand that they themselves have gone through similar suffering, and what she is going through is NOTHING… WHAT as human beings, are we doing??? How is it fair to compare one girl’s suffering with another girl??? By denying her calls for help and by demeaning her problems, how do we expect to help? So I may have gone through similar pain – so should I want her to go through it too? Because I chose to, and I could deal with it, should I expect her to go through the same??? What is my guarantee that her pain is not greater than mine? What is my guarantee that she is stronger than I am? Am I being fair to her by pushing her to the edge, because I THINK what she is going through is nothing???

Am I not being an insensitive person when I negate her suffering and try to cover it up with useless words like it’s going to be fine.. it’s going to be okay??? HEY maybe I should use some common sense and see that things can be okay when the person giving the suffering is okay. Sadists and animals can not be okay – can not make a life okay. We are living in a world that is filled more with cheaters and sadists who can drop down to any levels to get away with their quirks and mean intentions. This is no place for an innocent girl to be. This is a big bad world where every other person is a WOLF waiting to pounce on a girl. This is a big bad world where LIES are made to be truth and where wolves walk in sheep’s clothing, to prey upon undoubting innocent people.

A man being angry is okay – because all men get angry. A man losing control is okay because all men do that. A man beating his wife is okay because it happens in most marriages?? WHY?

My questions are – How much suffering is “too much”? How much suffering should a girl put up with? How much pain is “unbearable”? How does a girl express her pain when it is not validated by physical marks? What are the benchmarks that the civilised world uses to validate mental torture?

Why doesn’t the world let a GIRL live? Just live?

This post is inspired by the following two posts I read at Shail’s and Ritu’s blogs:
http://shailsnest.com/2012/10/19/the-evil-mothers-in-law/
http://phoenixritu.com/dear-god-ji-i-want-to-be-born-a-woman-again/