Posted in Betrayals, Challenges, How to take care of ur relationships, Paulo Coelho, Philosophy, Relationships, romance, Togetherness, unfair, wisdom

Ghosts Of A Not-So-Pleasant Past?

Paulo Coelho and his words of gem on past memories  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How do you make peace with a negative past and with those who have wronged you? (By Alex)

Coelho: In order to move from the past to the present you need to accept your scars. But you need to do everything in your power in order to heal them so that the ghosts of your past will no longer barge in your present life.

It is a long and difficult process I grant you – but it’s a way out of guilt and hatred in my eyes.

How do you stop sadness? (By Nuri)

Coelho: By welcoming it and living it intensively for a determined amount of period. In my case I give myself three days to be completely submersed in this feeling.

Once I’ve let sadness pay me a visit, then I kindly ask it to leave. Sadness is then satisfied and leaves

My inserts:

There has to be a way of taking them (past memories) out of the system. And I believe it is by overwriting them with new memories. It takes a long time, but yes, it ultimately happens and we end up being happier once we have forgiven our past.  And by saying ‘forgiven our past’, I don’t mean forgiving people who have wronged us, I seriously don’t believe in that, what I mean is to forgive our own selves and let happiness in our lives.

There are a lot of times when we choose to close doors because of past memories and we end up closing doors to good things in life. And that is not good, not good at all. There is a whole lot of good things in the Universe. The Cosmos wants to give you soo much, but you have to be WILLING to have it, you have to be there, standing with open arms to welcome what is rightfully yours. 🙂

So on an end note, are you willing to do that? If yes, do share with me.

*Earlier posted on Sulekha.com in 2011

Posted in How to take care of ur relationships, Relationships

How to take care of your relationships

I am sure many of you have faced turbulent relationships at some point of time in your lives. They may be between any two of you: You and your mom or dad or sibling or aunt or a friend. Where any two minds meet, there’s sure to be a difference of opinion. Sometimes, this difference of opinion escalates to frightful heights, taking the shape of heated arguments.
So, how do we get out of such turbulent situations? Is there a formula for it? I would say yes, with complete confidence. How? Read on…
What happens is that at some stage, we allow ourselves to fall into a trap that says, “He/She’s wrong, I am right”, irrespective of the need to competition at that moment. The dialogue keeps playing in our heads like a stuck-up record that finally leads us to believe that it really is so. The actual train of thought should be not about who is right/wrong, but about the act that has happened. Is the act right or wrong? How has it affected us? Is it big enough to start an argument with the person?
When you’ve decided that he/she is in the wrong, or the act committed is wrong, what do you do about it? There are two scenarios:
1. You tell him/her what you think.
2. You bottle everything up inside your heart.
The first case is a very favourable one, because that takes all your grievances out of your system immediately. It also pushes the ball in the opposite person’s court, giving him a chance to explain and sort things out. This is probably the best way to go, and may in all probability iron things out.
But when you bottle things up, it leads to the worst case scenario. The only way it leads the relationship in question, is down south. To the valley of doom. I will explain why.
Bottling up others’ mistakes/faults is a very dangerous thing to do. It builds up depression and resentment inside you, like a volcano ready to burst the moment things become rough. And when such a situation comes up that really hurts you, it catalyses you to take drastic steps in a whirlpool of past and present emotions… an action you would have executed differently, had you not carried the past baggage of resenting emotions.
The formula I promised I’d reveal:
The only remedy for a relationship disaster is to question yourselves about the importance of that relation. Do you want to keep it forever? Obviously, if it is a blood relation, you certainly would. If it’s a friendship, you need to answer the question. If your answer is ‘yes’, then, you must not let anything come in the way of that relationship. There will be hundreds of such instances in your lives when you both may fight very badly and you may resent many things.
The most important thing to understand here about this formula is that your feelings and your relationship are two different entities. If you want to keep your relationships safe, then, you must learn to separate it from your feelings. You may fight, you may hate the moment, but you must never question the relationship. Whatever happens, no matter how strong the winds of hatred blow, they are all momentary. The foundation of your relationship must never sway.
If everyone follows this rule, then we will have fewer families being divided due to petty issues. We will have fewer heart breaks. When the cause of a relationship prevails over other issues, then every thing else becomes trivialized and petty.
So, Happy- building-up-strong- relationships to you!!

© Punam J R., all rights reserved.