Posted in A walk into the woods, Hechicera, lady, Love, Memories, Mirage in the Mist, Random Pic Random Post, Relationships, romance, Togetherness

Shards of glass – Unbroken

man-looking-through-window-b8dkkf
He is lost.. in her thoughts
love-couple-hug-boy-and-girl-romantic-x
His mind captures this moment – to make it real one day
Note: I don't own the images and anyone who believes their photograph has been used here, please write to me and I shall connect with you asap.

One look at her and he knew she was a rag doll, a million shards of glass fixed together with something that was hardly visible – what held her together?

SHe intrigued him. He just did not know why he hired her. She was a mess. A clear mess. Deepika. Her eyes told it all – every broken shard shone in her deep eyes – blinding me into shock. What could have happened?

A heart break? He thought? Nope.. doesn’t look like. This is something much more deeper. He did ask her, “Have you ever loved someone?” And she just nodded. That’s it. Something about the way she fluttered her eyes made him feel that she could love deeply. As deep as her teary eyes.

But still, heart break wasn’t really what it seemed like. He had seen enough of life to know how many different faces this being called ‘grief’ wore. She was in grief. Yes. Absolute grief. That’s the right word. Grief.

Deep, dark, lonely, shrouded, NUMB.

A zombie. That’s what she had turned herself into. A zombie that knew only to work. Go back. Sleep. Get up. Come to work. Sleep. Nothing else. She hardly ate – and when she ate, it was tasteless crap, which she’d so sweetly share with me. Grief had turned her so numb that she couldn’t even make out the blandness of food.

WOuld you like to have coffee? Would you like to go out for coffee? I asked again, ensuring that she heard me. She looked up from her laptop. “Huh?? I don’t like coffee.” That’s it. This girl. This 30 something just turned a date into a coffee preference conversation. My Bloody Goodness!! She was either too smart or just too naive. Naive was a tall order – naive doesn’t exist these days. What was she?

All I knew was she worked – like hard labour. Effing hard labour. Tell her anything about the work she did, and she’d turn into this tigress – roaring and defending left right and center.

Something about her told me she could be trusted. Perhaps the mean gossip that went around about her ‘wierdness’ never reached her ears. Or if did, she perhaps didn’t care. Whatever it was, I could sense a flicker of respect for her. Unlike all other women of her age, she was just. A girl. Like a tiny tot that hides behind her mother’s sleeve – except that she hid behind her grief.

And she was determined to not let anyone shake her pieced up million shards up. It would have taken her ages – to pick up the pieces and walk tall again. I suddenly felt another sharp sting in the center of my heart. Protective?? Of course not!! I have seen enough. But the sting kept digging in and in – until it morphed itself into an arrow that pierced to the other side of my heart. I was confused.

It doesn’t really work that way. It doesn’t. But that sting was a growing desire to unbreak her. To peel off that pieced up skin to reveal a bright shining beauty that had retired some 5-6 years ago, I guessed, only to be proven correct later.

Deepika, he thought, somehow, I believe there would always be space for your hand in mine. “Give me your hand”, he said.

The lady doesn’t even turn her head!! She just gives a cross eyed look.

Phewwww. The Board Room fight was easier, I guess!!

Who does he think he is? Absolutely no sense of how to talk to a woman..!!

Huh!! Whatever!

*back to her article

Do you think this is a paragraph from a Mills & Boon story?

Would you like to give him a name?

What next??

*Originally published 9th January 2016

Posted in Uncategorized

This touched me deeply

Me: Hello God.

God: Hello…

Me: I’m falling apart.
Can you put me back together?

God: I’d rather not.

Me: Why?

God: Because you’re not a puzzle.

Me: What about all the pieces of my life that fall to the ground?

God: Leave them there for a while. They fell for a reason.
Let them be there for a while and then decide if you need to take any of those pieces back.

Me: You don’t understand!
I’m breaking!

God: No, you don’t understand. You’re transcending, evolving.
What you feel are growing pains. You’re getting rid of the things and people in your life that are holding you back.
The pieces are not falling down. The pieces are being put in place.
Relax.
Take a deep breath and let those things you no longer need fall down.
Stop clinging to pieces that are no longer for you.
Let them fall.
Let them go.

Me: Once I start doing that, what will I have left?

God: Only the best pieces of yourself.

Me: I’m afraid to change.

God: I keep telling you: YOU’RE NOT CHANGING!
YOU’RE BECOMING!

Me: Becoming, Who?

God: Becoming who I created you to be! A person of light, love, charity, hope, courage, joy, mercy, grace and compassion.
I made you for so much more than those shallow pieces you decided to adorn yourself with and that you cling to with so much greed and fear.
Let those things fall off you.
I love you!
Don’t change!
Become!
Don’t change!
Become!
Become who I want you to be, who I created. I’m gonna keep telling you this until you remember.

Me: There goes another piece.

God: Yes. Let it be like this.

Me: So… I’m not broken?

God: No, but you’re breaking the darkness, like dawn.
It’s a new day.
Become!!
Become who you really are!!”

Author ~John Roedel
Hey God. Hey John.

🌀Nicole
Sacred Wild Woman Medicine

Posted in Betrayals, Challenges, How to take care of ur relationships, Paulo Coelho, Philosophy, Relationships, romance, Togetherness, unfair, wisdom

Ghosts Of A Not-So-Pleasant Past?

Paulo Coelho and his words of gem on past memories  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How do you make peace with a negative past and with those who have wronged you? (By Alex)

Coelho: In order to move from the past to the present you need to accept your scars. But you need to do everything in your power in order to heal them so that the ghosts of your past will no longer barge in your present life.

It is a long and difficult process I grant you – but it’s a way out of guilt and hatred in my eyes.

How do you stop sadness? (By Nuri)

Coelho: By welcoming it and living it intensively for a determined amount of period. In my case I give myself three days to be completely submersed in this feeling.

Once I’ve let sadness pay me a visit, then I kindly ask it to leave. Sadness is then satisfied and leaves

My inserts:

There has to be a way of taking them (past memories) out of the system. And I believe it is by overwriting them with new memories. It takes a long time, but yes, it ultimately happens and we end up being happier once we have forgiven our past.  And by saying ‘forgiven our past’, I don’t mean forgiving people who have wronged us, I seriously don’t believe in that, what I mean is to forgive our own selves and let happiness in our lives.

There are a lot of times when we choose to close doors because of past memories and we end up closing doors to good things in life. And that is not good, not good at all. There is a whole lot of good things in the Universe. The Cosmos wants to give you soo much, but you have to be WILLING to have it, you have to be there, standing with open arms to welcome what is rightfully yours. 🙂

So on an end note, are you willing to do that? If yes, do share with me.

*Earlier posted on Sulekha.com in 2011

Posted in Uncategorized

Diaries of a Hechicera: Life is about dancing with the Flow

*Boatman*



Peter was a novice fisherman, who struggled with the paddles, the moment the waters got rough. He felt he would drown any minute and this would make him panic. He lost a lot of business because of this. Hence he decided to approach Confucius, who was a master boatman, who was known for his dexterity of boating, especially in rough waters.

“Sir, please accept me as your disciple. Can you please teach me how to control a boat in rough waters like you?”, asked Peter.

“*Who gave you this absurd thought, that I can control the boat?* If you want to be a good boatman, you must never worry about controlling the boat”, said Confucius.

“Whattttt? If I don’t worry about controlling the boat then how do I handle the boat in rough waters? Wouldn’t I drown and die if the boat topples?”, asked Peter, taken aback.

Confucius replied, “How can the boat or the sea make you drown? And how can they save you from drowning? This is what people don’t get.

*I am not the best boatman. I am the best swimmer.* It’s not about the boat, it’s not about the sea, it’s about controlling yourself. Let the sea be rough. Let the boat topple. Let your still mind not topple and drown in fear.

The moment you stop fearing and worrying about the boat and the sea, the control is back in your hands!”

*LIFE CAN NEVER BE CONTROLLED. THE ONLY THING THAT WE CAN CONTROL IS OURSELVES.*

Life will get rough. Life will topple. Life was never meant to be still. But we can be still. *STILLNESS IS THE KEY*. A calm and composed mind, is all that we need, to overcome the fear of drowning and toppling.

We can’t control the recession, the economy. *We can’t control the market BUT WE CAN CONTROL OUR MARKET SHARE*, ISN’T IT SO? People have not stopped buying whatever you are selling. There are millions of people who are still buying this stuff, but they are not buying from you. *UP YOUR GAME*. Make them buy from you.

We can’t control the cancer. But we can control our fears, ours worries, our attitude, our spirit. *Fear of death actually means you love life a lot.* Fearing death is a negative emotion that creates painful thoughts. Loving life is a positive emotion that creates joyful thoughts. Fear of illness means you love health. *THINK FROM THE SPACE OF WHAT YOU LOVE, AND DO MORE OF IT, WHENEVER YOU FEAR LOSING SOMETHING. We can’t add days to our lives, but we can add a lot of life to our days!*

Don’t waste your time and energy controlling other people’s reactions or behaviours. Don’t waste your time cribbing about how rough and tough your life is. Don’t waste your time trying to control your boat, or the sea. Control yourself! That’s it!

*The sea will get rough. The boat will topple. Learn how to swim!!*

Posted in #EndViolence, #life, Betrayals, Challenges, Human Rights, Just Like That from the Justice Lady, lessons, questions, Relationships, Uncategorized, wisdom

Turning back

She found his sister-in-law walking down the street opposite to her house. It had been 8 years since she had seen any of his family members. Debating whether to avoid or not, she found her approaching. In her heart, she missed the friendship she had shared with his sister. It was an easy-going friendship, one that was without judgement. She called her ‘didi’, and not ‘bhabhi’. She did not want to bring the ‘weight’ of a bhabhi-wala relation into the simple sisterly friendship.

As didi approached, she hugged her, reminiscing the days gone by. Didi took her to her house, where there were a lot of people buzzing around, maybe for a wedding that was planned in the house. She felt amiss. Didi took her to a room and asked her to wait. On the other side of the room, she felt a presence. Ma. She jumped in surprise, went ahead and hugged ma too. Touched feet. Ma was distanced and detached. She handed me a letter. A handwritten letter.

She just took and just gave it a listless glance. No expression. When she went to her room, she found him there. She had forgiven him and had no weight in her heart. So, she greeted him politely.  Apparently, they all wanted him and her to get back together. She thought in her heart, that it was a foolish wishful want. She debated whether to cut this conversation short or see what he had to say. Curiosity took over and she took a seat 5 feet away from him. They spoke about inconsequential things. Then his intention was to move on to personal chat, but she sensed it and cut him short. She wanted to leave, but he got angry. All she said was, “You are still the same. Lower your temper.”

And she went to her parents to tell them to go and ask that family to move on. What did she achieve from that conversation? Not sure, maybe she had the satisfaction of knowing that it was the right thing to do, to walk out. Rather, to accept that he walked out. That a piece of paper with two signatures mean nothing when someone does not want to nurture a relationship. And of course, vice versa.

She thought of the man she now had in her life. Dynamic, mature and extremely loving. She thanked her stars. A small smile escaped her lips.

Track 2:

In her words:

The wedding atmosphere suddenly turned into tension filled melee. She was puzzled. Then people came running and shouting that the groom has halted the wedding celebrations because he wanted 10 lakhs immediately. The bride’s parents tried to ask our parents to arrange for the money. And fools that they are, they way they chose that man for me, they scrambled around, arranging for it.

I asked them to stop the madness. Just. Stop. It.

How dare that girl not stop this by taking a stand?? This for God’s sake is the 21st century. Educated people do NOT blackmail the bride’s family for money on the altar of marriage. What stops her from walking out? Is it okay to see her parents begging others for money? Is it okay to see the elderly couple scrambling around, and losing their wits on something as inconsequential as “buying a groom for their daughter”????

Track 3:

She wakes up with a jolt, angry and upset. Why after so many years, did she see this dream? Perhaps somewhere in her psyche, she expected him to come and apologize to her. And perhaps, somewhere in her psyche, she wants all those girls to stand up for their parents, who feel they are a victim of the society’s demands for sending a daughter with loads of materialistic things, with or without demand.

Track 4:

She thought of her parents who had the strength that ONLY true love could give, to support and in fact, help her in the brave decision she took so many years ago. She smiled as she saw the way her father’s head held high, when she told him of the salary hike she recently got. He is one proud father – he has seen her move from being a meek domestic girl to a confident corporate lady.

She immediately picked up her phone, and dialled Papa.

Smiling Female Business Leader With Arms Crossed

Posted in Dreamy, Hechicera, Love, Togetherness, Uncategorized

Diaries of the Hechicera: The love she knew and the love that grew

His face was not very clear

There was dream upon dream
She waited eternally for him to appear
But her dream was still a dream

“O! Please please come soon, dear
Come and take over my life
I want to see you, touch and hear!
The stories of your life and strife.”

She would beckon in her dream
To that hazy not-so-clear face
And imagine him standing close to her
Real close, like a miracle on a good day.

The love she finally knew, twice,
Was ugly and wild, for all that she grew

Her hopes, aspirations, all the anticipation,
Everything lost, evaporated like summer dew.

Little did she know that this was not to be
For there in time, waiting, was someone worthy
She knew not, the test of her lord,
She was being groomed to become adored
She imagined her life, disintegrating, bit by bit
Her fate was, in truth, being sealed in the right orbit.
And her life was being set so so right.

Her destiny took her to true love
The love she knew earlier was a hallucination cove.
She thought she had seen it all
But the truth struck her with his arrival.
There he came, her Knight in shining armor, riding the sea waves
His arrival was so calm, absolutely a wonder

He came, bruised and battered, soul searching
Found solace in her suffering and healing.
She gave him what he missed, he gave her love

He gave her what she missed, she gave him trust.

Had their fates been sealed earlier? One does wonder.
When the universe decides to give the love u knew
Is there anything else that you wish to do?
You start believing that it is a circle
Life falls into its destined oracle

Why do you think it was over then?
Because, it’s never over, ever.

There was another story in the offing
The story had someone and you starring
The Love she knew, was the love that grew
The love he deserved was the love she gave

And they lived, happily ever after.
And they lived, happily ever after.

Posted in Challenges

Being reserved

Pouring my heart out today – rant alert. I am an introvert. In the last few days, I have been reading a lot of posts on introverts and realized one thing – that we all face the same issues and that very few people understand us.

When at work, I would like to be included in the conversations and get-togethers but usually I do not participate. I just listen. As a result, people isolate me terribly and I end up being the most misunderstood individual – and lonely.

Group discussions and gossip irritate me. Hi and Hello conversations just put me off as I feel they are wastage of time. Yes, I greet people, but that is all. People do not understand that I am totally into one-to-one conversations. Conversations that turn into memories and not just idle gossip.

I need my ‘me’ time and love to get lost in work. When I am working, the world fades away – another complaint I hear about myself. I don’t know what else to do. I prefer my own company and love to paint, crochet and read. But once in a while, I do feel like going out and meeting people who add value to my life (and who, by the way, are very few).

There is a small set of people who understand me very well – they do not judge my introvert qualities and are very happy to invite me when going to the cafe or just for a break. They speak and mean well and I believe I am not a bad communicator. However, why some people misunderstand me is beyond my comprehension. I know I should not get affected by this and mostly, I don’t. Once in a while, it gets to me and today is one of those days. Yes I have read Susan Cain and have heard her videos, I have read hundreds of articles on the web. But it’s just the same pain everywhere.

Somewhere, I happen to believe that I have been at the receiving end of office politics, due to which, my being an introvert is being abused. I have reasons to feel so. I can not let it affect me, and more importantly, I can not have anyone know that it affects me. But it does. Again, this is one of those days.

I think my thoughts are pretty incoherent and I will just stop here before the mish-mash becomes too hard to read.

Posted in #life, Dreamy, Hechicera, Love, Togetherness, Uncategorized

Diaries of the Hechicera: Bleeding Roses

7995296862_03d03342bd_b

Image Credit: Nicolas Raymond

In my mind’s eye, I envisioned a story that had no beginning,
Years and years of wait, is what I could only imagine.
Life’s most fruitful years, one by one just disappeared
Left me wondering, wandering, perplexed and tired.
It’s raining bleeding roses. Know it. It’s raining bleeding roses.

In my sweet innocent little heart, I heard a heartbeat whisper,
It questioned, in doubt, finally!! Will the wait be over?
And I really really thought, it would be,
So I convinced my innocent heart, hour after hour.
It was raining bleeding roses, I didn’t know. It was raining bleeding roses.

There they were, the heart and mind, rejoicing a tad bit early,
For in store for them, was a story that would leave them both gory.
I had no answer, nothing to tell them, their eyes reflecting hurt deep,
For they felt that I had betrayed them, beyond repair, ruthlessly.
Would you please tell them I hadn’t known, it rained bleeding roses?

Would you? You? and You? Please explain, clarify for me?
I am as innocent as a child’s playful glee?
I had no vendetta, I had no theory,
I hadn’t any big wishes, except for joys and a bit of cheer.
I knew not, truly, dear heart, we had bleeding roses in store.

Stories that have no beginnings, tales without endings,
That start lonely, and end lonely, they rain bleeding roses.
Of hearts that cry and learn to live alone and stop questioning,
They just keep sucking manna out of solitary trysts, always beckoning.
They know now, that life will always rain bleeding roses.

Know it, heart. Know it, mind. It’s always going to rain,
And rain it will, in soft and tender, beautiful bleeding roses.